My reaction, upon watching the first episode, was: _this is the dumbest thing I have watched in a long time, and that includes the time I spent watching Kamen no Maid Guy._ But I can handle dumb! And this seemed like...a generic, fluffy kind of dumb that could be mildly entertaining. Or so I thought.

The premise: A train that presents itself only to young women in trouble, the Miracle Train and its six (handsome) personifications of the major stations on the Oedo train line will help passengers solve their problems.

Sounds like a nice, light show, right? Something light and episodic is all I’m expecting. So at first, I’m not surprised: the stations are all cute and charming, from leader Tocho (terminal station which has a lot of government offices) being reserved, rules-loving and glasses wearing…

…to Shinjuku being a flirt and having a more loose, modern appearance

But what I wasn’t prepared for is how incredibly dull the problems they’re solving are. A girl loses her dog but her real problem is that she’s too shy to talk to classmates. A woman contemplates whether she should take an overseas job. A girl hates trains because her parents are obsessed with them.

I’m not saying I expected (or wanted) something horrific, but maybe something a bit deeper than “I don’t know how to tell my crush I like him” (episode 5).

Sprinkled throughout are bits of train/station trivia. My opinion didn’t change until episode 7, which is like 4 episodes longer than I would normally recommend watching something that seems dull (I figure 3 episodes, max, should make a decision).

There are hints of something deeper, addressing the questions I had. In episode 3 it’s plainly stated: once on the Miracle Train, passengers literally can’t leave until their problem is solved. If they try, they just end up walking back into the train car. That’s…horrifying.

And in episode 7, they start questioning what’s going on! Why do the stations exist as beings in the first place? Why the Miracle Train? How does all this work? So I though, hey, finally we’re getting some depth!

The more interesting parts of the series are the why. Why do the stations have form at all? (Beyond the 6 main ones we meet, we meet a handful of other, minor stations, so it’s a safe assumption that all stations have some sort of form.) Where did the Miracle Train come from and why? What’s its purpose? What kind of magical powers do the stations have? Why is the conductor suspicious as hell? Why does he wear a mask? _Why is there a minor station in episode 8 that has children of his own and HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE????_

And because the show seems aware of these questions, it tricks you! It makes you think you’ll get answers before the end!

YOU DO NOT

The final two episodes seem like they’re going to address all the questions that have built up! And then! They don’t!!! They “solve” one problem and everyone is like ¯|(ツ)/¯ let’s continue solving extremely minor problems for women

Shinjuku: It’s not clear how we became people, either.
Shiodome: You don’t know?
Shinjuku: Are you saying you know?
Shiodome: Uh?…Ah! We’re station fairies!

This exchange is never follow up upon. ever. we don’t know if the station personifications are created by an outside force or just spontaneously come into being as their station is being built and I am so angry.

Verdict

English dub? No

Visuals: Nice, exactly what you’d expect from a series about a group of handsome, gentle men (or male-appearing entities): distinct character designs, all in their late teens/early twenties.

Worth watching? Absolutely not. You get flashes of potential–the girl who is upset that she’s literally trapped on the train until her problem is solved, like finally we recognize there’s an element of horror, the entire concept that stations can manifest? And they can summon, like, entire grills for cooking and board games on the train, and just hang out with each other when they’re not helping women? It could’ve been fun! But it has all the depth of a paper plate and doesn’t actually follow up on anything interesting.

And I’m STILL angry because if it had just stuck to ignoring the questions, it could’ve been OK. But it introduced all these questions and acknowledged them and then completely failed to answer them and that’s just. bad storytelling.

The last 2 episodes throw SO MUCH magic woo at you and then do absolutely nothing with it. I mean, at the last second it’s implied that the dog mascot that has done nothing all series is some sort of overseer god figure and THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING MORE. It’s like they were actively putting effort into creating plotholes and dead ends.