Girlfriend, Girlfriend

#Have you heard of "fake stories within a story?"

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Take the Home Alone franchise, for example. Kevin McCallister spends his Winter holiday evenings watching the noir movie "Angels with Filthy Souls." The fake film and its fake sequel are really funny mafia parodies; despite not originating from an actual movie, "Keep the change, ya' filthy animal" is still an incredibly iconic movie line. Both of these sketches are short and sweet, with each sitting at under 2 minutes. I call them fake stories because they're clearly not meant to hold any narrative importance. The same goes for a sappy romance manga titled "Go Sweet" that Shirogane and the gang read in Love is War. All we know about the manga is that it resembles a bunch of common shoujo plotlines, but to our characters it's a bestselling series that made them tear up despite its generic tropes. It's just a fake story that allows the real story to create some hilarious parodies, like when the author reimagines Love is War as a melodramatic shoujo ai. Much like our world, it makes sense that fictional characters also have their own in-universe version of television and books. These are usually jokes built on generalizations of the genre being made fun of, be it grimy crime dramas or sappy YA romance. I'm fond of fake stories, but mostly because they're fake. They aren't meant to be taken seriously, nor do they overstay their welcome.

Kanojo no Kanojo is what happens when one of these shitposts gets dragged out for a miserable 12 episodes.

This piece is spoiler-free, Tl;Dr below.

Naoya gets the girl. Equal parts daft and earnest, he's been pursuing his childhood friend Saki for years. In the first year of high school she accepts his feelings, and the two start out on their adorkable relationship. He's still as infatuated with his longtime crush as he's ever been, she's smitten by his sheer earnestness. The pair share a funny chemistry, thanks to comic misunderstandings and exaggerated declarations of love for one another. It'd be fun to see a story of these getting worked-up over every tiny thing in their blossoming relationship.

Kanokano is not that story. Heck, just calling it a story at all would be a stretch.

Out of the blue, a blue-haired first-year decides to ask MC out, in typical anime fashion. A girl whom this guy has no prior knowledge of just shoots her shot. Sure, she worked up the courage to confess for several months, but what would he know. He's content and attached to his first and only love.

Naturally, he says yes.

What follows is an absolute trainwreck. Rather than find himself having to choose between one girl and the other, MC decides to date both in a two-timing relationship. And as proof of his "TRuE l0Ve," he tells an enraged Saki of his horny intentions to start a high-school harem. That's right, he cucks both of his girlfriends openly. Now, there's nothing wrong with adults consenting to an open courtship with more than two people, but nothing about this weak-willed excuse of a MC screams "loyal" or "mature," given how quickly he fell head-over-heels over a stranger he just met. And to top it all off, the threesome moves into MC's home to live happily ever after, unsupervised and underage. Kanokano is all about the resultant polygamy, and the sheer idiocy that allowed it to occur. Before discussing this abominable harem, we must direct our attention to our Harem Lord.

or, at the very least, the worst protagonist I've had the displeasure of coming across thus far. In the past I've been harsh towards male protagonists with zero personality, but I'd prefer any number of them over this mess of a character. I really wish I was merely drumming up exaggerated anger for the sake of publishing a heated review, but he is genuinely revolting. At first glance, Naoya appears to be a perpetual loser who demonstrates his undying love with big romantic gestures. But really, the guy is a toxic manipulator who constantly gaslights those around him in order to fulfill his horny desires. He comically misunderstands the babes surrounding him and twists their words, with an idiocy so unfiltered that girls end up second-guessing themselves. Naoya is what happens when you cross the Machiavellian tendencies of a Gen-Z Light Yagami with the selfish, pathetic guise of ToG's Rachel. Self-deprecation is often seen as a weakness or an undesirable flaw, yet Naoya leans into his worthlessness so hard that it miraculously becomes a strength. He shamelessly proclaims he's a two-timing scum, but only because he loves his girls both equally and endlessly. Suddenly, his unfaithfulness is seen as a prized rarity, and every female above the age of consent would throw themselves at him to be the sole recipient of such undying love. But surely sharing a chode amongst so many impressionable teenage girls is a hard task, in more ways than one! Getting into Naoya's bandwagon (and pants) becomes more difficult as the series progresses, because he needs to "stay faithful" to the girls already attached to him. However, MC playing hard-to-get just ends up being an excuse for entertaining the humiliating advances of the chicks around him. Forget any notion of this series navigating a taboo polygamous relationship in Japan; Kanokano is a show about a cult - one where a serial manipulator unabashedly tricks the world into falling in love with him.

As an abridged mockery of the harem trope, each girl is defined primarily by their obsessive desires to win MC's heart. Character traits barely distinguish one empty husk of a character from the next; these idiots may as well be interchangeable target practice for Cupid's arrows. No one here is really in love with Naoya; rather, they crave only the idea of being the only one loved by him. Each girl steps outside of their comfort zones to "out-love" everyone else by catering to MC's fetishes. The end result? A clown fiesta of antics and grand gestures that rapidly decline in shock value. Forgoing sleep to profess love, camping in the cold outdoors as a pick-up strategy, bribing lovers with gacha rolls, getting aroused from NTR, putting on roleplay clothes in order to sleep with MC, and stripping down said clothes in order to sleep with MC - you get the perverted picture. It's the kind of immature bullshittery that'll make any reasonable soul call for a parent, if not for the fact that these parents are just as irredeemably shit as their insane offspring. Kanokano paints a nightmarish dystopia where society has regressed to the age of Neanderthals. Fathers and mothers don't just allow their little girls to play House with MC - they encourage it, praying that their respective child will be the one to claim Naoya's heart. This is a sick world so primitive that down-bad daughters attempt to make Sir Nice Guy shoot babies into them, while their irresponsible parents cheer their underage children on.

With a fervor not seen since Thanos' quest to assemble the Infinity Gauntlet, the nice guy Naoya hunts for babes to add to his trash waifu depository, with each new insipid addition more helplessly inept than the next. Redhead tsun tiddies. Loli -bait homemaker tiddies. Gyaru e-girl streamer tiddies. The list may as well stretch on and on, in turn tearing the fabric of realism as we know it. But let's not worry about fiction not being believable, that's not even the worst of our problems. The biggest issue with Kanokano is that it obliterates the very idea of love. This harem gives up dignity in exchange for dick, throwing themselves at a love as commonplace as it is disingenuous. Naoya could love anyone, which is why love loses all meaning. The goal of sharing an inseparable bond with a significant other gets utterly destroyed with the addition of countless "others." Love disappears, because love means nothing when it's freely handed out to every girl and my left foot. Romance is dead, and Kanokano has dealt the finishing blow.

Production-wise, Kanokano benefits from a rather pleasant job. It's baffling that such a travesty would follow an otherwise successful streak for Tezuka Productions, a studio fresh off works such as Dororo and 2020's phenomenal Adachi to Shimamura. The latter show's chief director and art director bring the same quirky visual identity to Kanokano, with a comic-book aesthetic and pastel colors. The series is also capable of nailing comedic timing and visual jokes that embrace the absurdity on-screen. Voice actors are the liferaft for the sinking 'ship(s) of Kanokano. Lines are delivered (and often shouted) with the crazy conviction the script requires. These VAs absolutely sell their lines and do their utmost to elevate some incomprehensibly crap material. For all the garbage persistent throughout the series, Kanokano at least executes its ideas relatively well. But if you ask me, it's a bit like polishing a turd.

Kanokano is clearly a show that isn't meant to be taken seriously, so penning a roast about this steaming dumpster fire must be pointless. Well, if you're looking for an exercise in futility, look no further than Kanokano itself. The show is doing a parody, by taking the tropes associated with the harem formula and expanding on them, arriving in uncharted territory in the process. Kanokano is technically innovating here, but perhaps there is a good reason for why writers don't take things this ridiculously far. By pushing the harem trope to its extreme limits, Kanokano sacrifices all storytelling potential. It's nigh-impossible to see the show as anything other than an overly-long joke, because the show is so deliberately designed to be just that. Kanokano is not capable of grasping its own exercise in futility, because it's got its hands full groping its countless breasts instead. Let's not kid ourselves, no one here is watching Kanokano because of a well-developed cast or cohesive narrative. No, we watch Kanokano to laugh at how stupid it is. And honestly, that's really sad. Kanokano just isn't the kind of parody worth a full 5-hour runtime. All this colossal waste of space can offer are mind-numbing shenanigans. All this tasteless travesty can achieve is to rinse-and-repeat its toxic cycle of gaslighting and self-victimising. All this horrible harem can do is drown the audience out with noisy, over-the-top declarations of love that are as grand as they are empty. All this stupid series can muster is the vandalization of human romance, by stripping the concept of all importance. Much like the "love" the Kanokano cult share, all this story can amount to can be summed up in one word: Fake.

Stories and entertainment have always been things that I enjoy. I've appreciated some really complex, profound works that stuck have with me. But I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that I don't also treasure my fair share of simple pleasures, comedies and shitposts from time to time. Across all these pieces of media, I've always felt that these things have added to my life in some way, be it big or small. But Kanokano is the first time I've encountered a show that takes away. It's a show so dumb that I almost feel dumber just by sitting through it. If you're genuinely excited by any of the topics I've discussed so far, I won't hinder you from welcoming this chronic brain rot with open arms. Comedy is as subjective as genres get, and what failed for me might work wonders for you. My goal is simply to stay true to my personal experience and serve as a cautionary tale for those tempted to give Kanokano a fair shot. I find that the first episode kinda tells you everything you need to know, with its stupid humor and absurd execution. Feel free to try out that episode out of morbid curiosity. Who knows, Kanokano could fall squarely into "So Bad It's Good" territory.

A cult of teenage lovers was only ever gonna be watched one way - as a joke. At the end of the day, Kanokano is an admission of defeat. Any chance that its premise could be something more than merely a stale punchline is squashed by its dumb script and disgusting characters. Kanokano knows that it is fated to dig its own grave, and challenges itself to see itself off all the way down to rock-bottom. On that front Kanokano succeeds, but the fact is pathetic and really sad. The shamelessness of the series can occasionally work in its favor, aided by great voice acting and quirky visuals. There will definitely be an audience for Kanokano, a harem parody that's well-aware of it's worthlessness. For me, the joke fizzled out within the first 5 minutes. 2/10~

Thanks for reaching the end with me. This one was particularly fun to put together, as if to numb the pain from sitting through this harrowing experience. "I survived Kanokano." Now there's a neat idea for a shirt. If you happen to like my verbose rants, feel free to check out my other reviews for seasons past and present. I also frequently post writeups under my list updates, so definitely take a peek if you'd like to see me mald over anime as they hit the airwaves. Peace~