The following review contains frequent mentions of suicide, and unmarked spoilers for Welcome to the N-H-K (2006).

I'm a sucker for so-called "bad" endings. My favorite works of fiction are those that divert drastically from the traditional hero's journey; it always seems like the ultimate subversion of expectations, to have read this much of a story and have it just change direction or even genre suddenly. The true value of such works is often in "the journey, not the destination" and that makes them better for it, or at least more enjoyable in my book.

So, I experienced a twisted sort of excitement when I reached shortly before the halfway point of Welcome to the N-H-K and the thin veneer of romcom drama dropped. It is revealed that many of the characters suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, and while I am not idealizing or dismissive of those in any way, I was nonetheless interested to see how the cast would cope with such struggles. The heroes of the story are not so infallible after all, perhaps one character would die and the others would be radically transformed in some way? Or would they all grow disillusioned with each other and begin to drift apart like in The Pet Girl of Sakurasou?

Synopsis

What actually happened was so much worse that it has me re-evaluating the lightness with which I address the death and suffering of fictional characters. The cast is tiny, only six characters are present in the show for more than a single appearance, and of those only half appear in the majority of the episodes. This allows the series to take its time exploring the inner workings of its protagonist in excruciating detail, an unemployed shut-in named Satou Tatsuhiro. Sato lives next door to an otaku, Kaoru Yamazaki, and down the street from a girl-next-door type named Nakahara Misaki who has pledged to rehabilitate him into a functioning member of society. Also present is Sato's high-school sweetheart Kashiwa Hitomi.

The first half of the series is fairly unremarkable from a broader message perspective. Sato and Yamazaki pledge to make an eroge, and Misaki approves, as it will allow him to channel his energy into a creative project, hopefully opening a new career path and passion for Sato if they succeed. Sato is generally upset with his quality of life, but things are looking up! He has a goal, a good friend, a girl who will support him... then Hitomi shows up and takes Sato on a beach vacation that ends up being the aforementioned suicide pact.

The important thing about this scene is that Sato thinks that Hitomi truly wants to start a new life with him, that they will spend their last moments wallowing in their missed opportunity for love before stepping into a new life through reincarnation. Then Hitomi's boyfriend shows up along with Sato's friends to talk them out of it, which is where the downward spiral begins: Misaki realizes that Sato has eyes only for Hitomi, Sato realizes that he missed his chance to be with Hitomi forever, and Yamazaki realizes how much both guys have wasted their life so far chasing unattainable dreams.

For the rest of the show, it is just blow after blow for all of these characters. Sato's path to rehabilitation is crushed as their eroge fails to launch and Yamazaki is forced to move away, driving him into deeper depression. Misaki is seemingly willing to remain as his sole companion until she sees him with Hitomi, who is depressed again with her relationship and wants to have an affair with Sato, who refuses because he knows it won't make her happier.

Finally, the nail in the coffin is that after every other character is revealed to be suicidal, Sato finds out that Misaki was only rehabilitating him out of a twisted need to fulfill her own self-worth by putting him beneath her. By the end of the show, each main character has attempted actual suicide with the exception of Yamazaki, who instead commits career suicide by purposefully acting lecherous towards his college crush.

Review

Welcome to the N-H-K had this masterful slow-burn effect as I slowly realized that this was not the exciting kind of "bad ending" but one that would leave a sour taste in my mouth for days afterward. We see Sato attempt suicide first only to be shown that, in fact, he does have a support group of friends that love him! Then the succeeding events of the show slowly strip those supports away from him until he has no practical reason to keep living, save for the value of life itself.

This series shows how the decline from a bad set of circumstances on the rise can change into a life-threatening depression all too quickly. Sato's first attempt at his own life was foolish and overdramatic, but when he attempts again at the end of the show, I found myself horrified to be actually sympathizing with him to some degree. He had lost everyone and everything with any sort of meaning in his life. Perhaps the most striking revelation was that I was not alone in this understanding... a shocking number of other reviewers referred to Sato as a mirror of their own darkest thoughts.

The main duo is vile and manipulative to each other towards the end, justifying their suicidal idealation by putting their own suffering above each others'. That's what I mean by saying that this show is despicable in the best way: I absolutely hated the way the main cast thought and acted towards each other in the final episodes, because they were so painfully human. They each had their dreams or their love or whatever was keeping them going stripped from them, and acted the same way that the most desperate of us sadly do.

The final episode felt a little lackluster, but again, not necessarily in a bad way. Misaki and Sato make an accountability pact for each of them to avoid suicide. I'm glad they were able to find such refuge in each other, but it is saddening to me that that was the only way they could seem to do it. I suppose the romance tags were misleading and I maybe expected them to reach such an agreement through love rather than a cold contract... but I suppose it's better that way than not at all. Their relationship died not with a dramatic bang, but with a spiteful whimper.

Seeing how easily one's life can go in such an abysmal direction was sobering, and helped me gain a new perspective on mental health. Failing to accomplish your dreams, death of a loved one, trapped in a loveless relationship... it could happen to anyone. I think this anime barely missed the 9/10 "fantastic" mark for me due to technical production issues and a lukewarm beginning and end. However, it will occupy a special place in my heart not only for making me think so deeply about such a serious topic, but also for being one of the most dedicated "bad endings" in recent memory.