LOOK BACK

Everyone has a desire to create

Or at least everyone wants to leave a mark in the life they live. It may be grandiose with spotlights directed to your face, or a humble piece of work that represents the “you” in that art form.

But I'm sure that everyone else has the plans to make their own form of “art,” but are stuck in a conundrum of thoughts from “What do I have to create? ”Or “how will this impact my life and the lives of others? ”. In the current space where everyone has access to everyone, and sharing your piece can be reached with more people, people often gravitate with their motivation towards likes and subscribers—or at least that's how I perceived it when I was in my younger years when I tried to make an impact for myself on YouTube.

Creating was fun. Sure, it can be exhausting living double lives as a student by day and then a creator at night, with some days where I sleep at around 2 am after a long day of recording and editing. I was satisfied, until I wasn't. There was no traction. Barely any views. I questioned myself whether what I've created was just bad, unwatchable, and lacking in profound-ness.

For years of creating with dwindling viewership, my esteem caught the best of me, and I quit creating.

but not exactly.

For years, I was still figuring out what I really wanted to create. And a huge timeskip had passed, and I ended up here on Anilist reviewing anime. I knew I wanted to communicate something profound through my writing, but sometimes I would just be staring through my screen, confused why I was writing in the first place. My esteem has slowly caught back up, and I almost gave up once again.

But then this film reminded me of something. ***

Prior to the film's release, I read the manga, which was one of my favorite one-shots. I tried making drafts for reviews on how I would like to convey my insights of the manga, but I always get stuck, finding it hard to convey the words in the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say how much I love the chemistry of Fujino (Yuumi Kawai) and Kyomoto (Mizuki Yoshida) and how much I deeply see myself with these characters, but I never quite reach the 2,200-word limit—or at least my conscience believes I just didn't have anything profound to convey. I was scared to publish a work that did not meet the standards i have seen through other people's work.

But then the film awed me. That story that I loved in the manga had come to life with its expressive and vibrant animation in its light moments while perfectly delivering those gloomy, sorrowful moments where any viewer had shed a tear, all beautifully presented alongside a wonderful soundtrack that will stick in your heartstrings for days. I finished watching the film and thought, “That was way better than the manga.” But deep inside of me, I knew that it wasn't profound; it wasn't doing anything new from the manga, but why do I feel stronger in the film? That's when it clicked for me.

Purpose

Why did the team behind the team create this film? It's because they loved the source material that they fully flourished its potential in a different medium—and I have received their love of their art through the screen.

Look Back forced me to look back upon why I decided to take a path on creating in the first place. Right now, it might not be profitable enough to make me live comfortably or have a profound purpose motivated by a tragic backstory or even have the readership as many as other anilist reviewers, but the drive of creating has recharged, and my mind is pumped to create more; after all, I have realized something about my purpose in creating.

I love making reviews because I love sharing my thoughts with you, the reader

How about you? What's your purpose to create? ***