Incredibly harrowing, ended up getting a copy from a very nice Bluesky mutual after I saw the movie, being able to see the manga in of itself made me respect the film more in that it's basically a perfect adaptation but seeing the drawings really elevate the story.

I feel like it's perfectly able to capture the initial burnout that someone can face from peaking early in childhood with being "the drawer kid" and all the fame that comes with it, only to realize early on that there's going to be someone that's better than you. It's a breath of fresh air that Ayumi decided to befriend Kyomoto instead of continue to hold a chip on her shoulder. We've all been kids, kids are irrational and I've personally got upset at my art for much more petty reasons.

It's also weird because I feel like I shouldn't have just zoomed past this book when I was able to get my copy, I'm going to likely end up re-reading this soon just so I can really have things sink in. The movie moved me to my core and I want to be able to respect a story like this in multiple mediums, this year I'm already trying to have a better relationship with the media I consume. I'm not an expert at critiquing art but there's a certain organicness to how it's drawn that I appreciate more and more. The grit, the usage of shading, the expressions that are both showing radiant euphoria and hollow emptiness at different times? It's all wonderful.

I can't not see myself with Look Back especially because for the first time in my life, I'm working with a creative partner trying to bring one of my own stories to life, and it's scary because I worry about having a relationship sour over the stresses of trying to bring art to life. The gradual souring of Ayumi and Kyomoto as their lives began to diverge is honestly realistic and I would hate for that to happen, especially on bad terms. Feelings of regret, wondering what could have been, and shame often linger when we realize we were in a state of mind that caused us to say things that we can't take back.

What spoke to me is the fact that even when we saw a reality where Ayumi did quit her art early, her art still continued to inspire Kyomoto and Ayumi didn't even consider herself "out of the game" entirely. Sometimes taking a break is fine as being an artist doesn't have to define your existence, and you're allowed to have different experiences to broaden your horizons. It makes me feel better about my upbringing and how I had to put art on the back burner for years in the process of getting a "real job". I'm no less of an artist compared to anyone else who was able to practice way more, or going to an art college or anything else, but the amount that I do practice and how much of myself I put in my work IS in my control, and it makes me feel a lot better about art as a result even if it may always be a stressor for me.

Look Back makes me want to be a better artist and better person.