This is my first time actually writing something long in a while, so probably not the best quality writing, but I need to write down my thoughts before I forget, since this show gave me some crazy whiplash. I am also writing this before watching 0.

In my opinion, Steins;Gate is a 10/10 show right up until ep 22, the last 2 episodes were way too rushed, and kind of broke the flow of the show for me.

Steins;Gate explored many themes – love, friendship, gender, determinism, etc. But what I want to talk about the most is sacrifice and the burden of knowledge. Almost all time manipulation anime/shows explore the themes of sacrifice and burden of knowledge but I want to talk about how Steins;Gate did it better than anyone else.

In the show, Okabe and his friends in the lab stumbled upon the ability to send messages to the past - a D-mail, he use this ability to, well, first, buy the lottery, and then one by one they end up fulfilling LabMems’ wishes - giving Moeka the location of the IBN 5100 (unknowingly), turning Rukako into a girl, prevents Faris’ father’s death, and finally tells himself to follow suzuha so she doesnt disappear, all of this leading them further and further away from the beta world line. In this world line, he witnesses Mayuri’s inevitable death over and over and over again, with all of his efforts to save her being in vain, and only he retains the painful memory of this happening. This alone is enough to crush a person’s soul, but this is far from all Okabe suffered. While all of this is happening, he is also undoing all of the D-mails they sent, notably Rukako and Faris’ wishes. Okabe has to personally take back what he gave his friends. While talking to Faris before undoing the D-mail, he learns in the beta world line that she had a deep sense of grief and guilt(?) over her father’s death, as all they did before he died was argue. While talking to Rukako, she confesses her feelings for Okabe, stating that this would not be culturally acceptable in the beta world line if she were male. After undoing both of these D-mails, I can only imagine how Okabe felt – knowing the burden that his friends carry in the beta world line, knowing the possibility of a different, happier life for them, and taking that life away from them with his own hands. What broke me the most was after undoing Rukako’s D-mail, Okabe asks him bluntly - “Do you like me?” knowing full well that he does harbour these feelings for Okabe, yet Rukako responds with “I respect you”, dodging the question and gating those feelings forever, as he knows the society would never accept him for who he is.
Finally, when Okabe is just one button away from returning to the beta world line, he comes to a realisation – If he deletes his initial D-mail and returns to the beta world line, he inadvertently kills Kurisu, whom he later reveals that he had feelings for, and if he doesn’t, he will have to let Mayuri face her inevitable demise, and all the dreams that he sacrifices would have gon to waste. It’s a choice between his lover and his childhood best friend—two people he holds dear, both of whom he cannot bear to lose. In that moment, Okabe is trapped in an impossible dilemma—one that no person should ever have to face. Throughout the show, I constantly tried to put myself in his perspective, imagining what I would do if I carried the same memories. But when episode 22 forced that final decision upon him, I felt like I couldn’t even breathe under the weight of it. And I was just watching. I can’t begin to comprehend what it must have felt like for Okabe himself, pressing that enter key, knowing that whichever world line he chose, he would be sacrificing someone he loved.
On the surface, Steins;Gate is just another time travel anime, but in my eyes, it is about the profound emotional costs of choice and the immense burden of knowledge. The anime reminds me of one of my favourate mangas: Summertime Rendering (yes im a sucker for time travel), while Summertime Rendering is more action-packed, Steins;Gate hit closer to home for me, and really (really) cut deep. El Psy Congroo.