___Long review incoming, if you find my style or inclusion of personal details annoying, I'm quite sorry._
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It's a daunting task to say anything about this film that hasn't been said already. I was a depressed teenager when I saw this and I came out of it a changed person, like a stray cat in a thunderstorm. The very idea of misery being a necessary pretext for the enjoyment of anything from the overarching Evangelion franchise is a pastiche of adolescent malaise. But is that what a review should be? Is a review just the fanciest vapid words you can think to combine in the most unique order to garner the most compliments for your writing. First and foremost, I'm of the belief that a review must be honest. And what is more honest than the process of a story. Even if it ends up looking like many other stories, this one is mine.

The End of Evangelion is a monolith. Within science fiction, within the "mecha" subgenre, and most importantly: within animation. This is a movie I own on several physical formats, such as the Manga Entertainment DVD release with a terrible letterboxing, and the much appreciated GKIDS English Language BD, But, my first encounter with this film was when it originally dropped on Netflix. Now, before you judge me for waiting to watch a legendary title such as this on a streaming service, I was twelve. Anyways, I watched it and obviously didn't understand it. Or, well, I tried to. I was a kid who liked to play adult. So, when I watched this "big boy" anime, I obviously said it was the best thing ever because it made me feel like a grown up.

I was surprised my opinion never changed. The reason to me seems obvious now, it was preparing me mentally for the worst time of my life. I was struggling very badly with mental illness at the time. My OCD was flaring up the worst it ever has, even to this day, and the whole thing. Now, I get the feeling a lot of people like miserable art because they like to stew alongside the characters in self pity. I liked watching Shinji and Asuka struggle. I liked watching them fight for their lives. Not because of some sadistic desire to have pain inflicted on these fictional characters. It might sound sad, but these characters were my friends. I saw their hurt, and their fury. They were fighting the same battle as me. I needed to see them fight. Not because they might win, but because the fight for survival is noble in it of itself. Never give up. That's the thing this fucked up movie with violence, sex and enough nerdy references to make even Okada Toshio blush. But, this is a truly profound film about... life.

This isn't a movie for otaku, but only otaku can understand it to the fullest extent. Loneliness... Anger... Regret... The otaku isn't an island unto himself. I see a lot of myself in every nook and cranny of this film. In Shinji, in Anno and especially in Asuka, who is by far my favorite anime character of all time. She always puts a smile on my face. This is a launching pad and life defining project for me. My dream of being an artist, countless hours I spent as a child watching Tokusatsu (Showa Gojira films), and all the tears I cried over the idea that maybe the world just isn't for me. There's a genre reverence so palpable through the entire show, thatr, unless you have the acumen to be familiar with it all, you'll sorely be missing out on. This is why, much like many other genre-savvy fans, I'm endlessly annoyed by the constant accusations of this film being "revenge against the fans" or the entire franchise being a cynical deconstruction. Anno is an otaku's otaku. Evangelion is nothing if not a referential romp through the inner world of an anime fan turned anime director. Reverence is the name of the game here. Anno loves mecha, and Leiji Matsumoto and he especially loves Tsubaraya shows. Evangelion is a celebration of life, at its core. A celebration of art and entertainment.

Spoiler, click to view

The most impactful scene of the film is a short, live action vignette after the "Komm, Süsser Tod". This is directly taken from a similar sequence in Ideon: Be Invoked (1982). This is a departure from the last hour or so of carnage and headache-inducing editing. You see real life. Even typing it gives me chills. I've never been to Japan, much less the city of Ube, where the director was born and grow up. But there's something so intimate about these scenes. You see the birthplace of the dream. Where a little boy played with his toys, watched television and unknowingly developed the observational skills that would make his life's work. The industrial architecture, the city skyline, the power pylons and industrial chimneys remind me of home. A home I've never been to but close enough to my own that they're become inseparable in my mind. We see a naked woman's breasts, a swingset, the structures of Tokyo-3 superimposed into the horizon with primitive computer graphics. This is the end of the world. The end of the dream. The movie theater is silent... it's empty. But there's hope everywhere. Do you reject reality? Do you reject endless, mind numbing fantasy? Will you write your own ending or just watch the movies of others for the rest of your life? This scene is my favorite scene in anything, ever. And, I'm a guy who watches a lot of movies. This scene must be what heaven is like.

(So-so story spoilers, but moreso a surprising cinematic decision!)

What a beautiful thing is to live and to love. To lose, and to know that's not all there is to life. Opportunities for happiness are everywhere.