Eromanga Sensei is the greatest show about having sex with your little sister since Drake and Josh. It is an anime so terrible only the lowest common denominator of human being can enjoy it.

An anime so terrible it essentially rips off the plot of the author’s previous series because he’s too lazy to come up with something not involving fucking his sister.

An anime so terrible it contains every trope in anime existence to the point where you wonder if the author has ever had an original idea in his life.

An anime so terrible you wonder if it was only made because the author is so mentally handicapped that the producers and studio got a tax write-off for adapting his work.

Why are there loud bootsteps in the stairway outside my apartment? Shut the fuck up! I’m trying to bitch about anime!

Have you ever looked at your sister and thought, “Oh man, I hope I get to that before dad does”? Because I did. And ever since my family has never spoken to me again. Apparently the same thing happened to the author of Eromanga Sensei. It must be hard writing a love letter like this to your sister only for her to disown you and never want to speak to you again. I mean, is it so wrong to want to have sex with a relative? Isn’t that Alabama’s state motto?

The main character of Eromanga Sensei is a light novel author at fifteen. He thinks it’s easy to produce books and he’s super confident in his novels. He’s an affront to any person who has ever wanted to be or is an author. If you look at your manuscript and feel so full of yourself about it, you’re doing something wrong. Even published authors are entirely self-conscious about their works and will tell you that they aren’t proud of even something others consider a masterpiece. You know why? Because artists aren’t Chads. This guy is the most annoying human being ever and the fact he can produce a novel in a week goes to show that light novels, if this is in fact autobiographical on the part of the author, are the cancer that is killing anime.

Oh, his sister lives in her room, probably never showers, and won’t go outside. She just sits in there drawing lewd pictures because she’s twelve and that’s not a questionable hobby for a twelve year old. He doesn’t know the artist for his pervert books is his sister but he finds out. And thus has the catalyst for the worst anime of 2017 and possibly ever set off a chain of the most generic events imaginable.

CAN YOU FUCKS QUIT GOOSESTEPPING OUT THERE? I’M TRYING TO TALK ABOUT SISTER FUCKING!

Soon we meet a girl named Elf. She has blond hair and elf ears for whatever reason. If she wasn’t fourteen I’d say I love her but just between you and me I love her. She’s an author as well. Eromanga Sensei has forever painted light novel authors as moronic teenagers. I hope that was the intent.

Anyway, Elf is a chuni and rich as hell and she just happens to buy the Victorian mansion that just happens to be next door to the main characters house where he just happens to find her playing piano naked because she just happened to leave the window open and she just happens to find inspiration when she plays the piano naked because this all makes sense and is totally not an excuse for a sick-o who would be arrested or put in a mental institution anywhere else in the world to masturbate to his fantasy elf girl’s naked fourteen year old body.

Oh, and now she loves the main character! But she better watch out cuz sis is gonna be really jealous even though she shows no outward indication of loving her brother, is constantly treating him like shit, and they never spend enough time together to have any sort of meaningful character development to even warrant the two being in love.

Love triangles are so passe, let’s have a love square! Here comes Kimono Girl McIveReadAllYourWorksAndBaselesslyLoveYou. She’s read all of his works and baselessly loves him. You see, it’s actually pretty true to how real life works. I was reading Nobokov the other day and wanted so badly to fly to his grave and molest his corpse. Because reading a novel is enough to make you want to fuck an author.

Oh, is that gaggle of underage lovemeat not enough for you? How about some girl who randomly shows up at the main dudes door and tells him about how much she loves dicks? Yes, this is the only anime to ever have a character introduction that includes a discussion of dicks.

And then there is the lady who works at the bookstore. She’s in the show for three minutes but she asks the main guy to marry her.

But Izumi, whose name is so forgettable I forgot it until just now, is dedicated to his sister. The sister he spends hardly any time with. The sister who he watches fireworks with through a window.

And meanwhile he spends a majority of the series hanging out with Elf. Elf, the rich girl. Elf, the one with an actual character. Elf, the girl who cares. Elf, the girl with development. Elf, the only halfway entertaining character in this fucking show.

What does the goddam author have against chuni girls that he has Kuroneko in Oreimo and Elf in this, makes them the best characters, then goes “Har, har, who’d want to date girls who are interesting when you can date the boring sister?”.

Jesus fucking Christ is there a parade going on in the hallway? SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DISCUSS THE SEXUALIZATION OF UNDERAGE GIRLS FOR A MOMENT!

Eromanga Sensei is chock full of generic moments that are ripped from every light novel in existence. It constantly reminds you that other light novels exist as if it’s begging you to turn it off and read/watch something else. Spice and Wolf shows up to remind you that well thought out and emotional romances exist in anime. Toradora shows up to remind you that well thought out and emotional romances exist in anime. Sword Art Online shows up as if to laugh at you for thinking that was the most bland and dirivitive light novel ever made. Even Oreimo characters show up to remind you that this guy made a show about fucking your sister that was at least mildly entertaining and only slightly less infuriating.

There’s the tournament episode. The late season beach episode. There’s a festival. They play Twister. The sister and Izumi turn out to be childhood friends through some contrived, ridiculous logic. All of this is bad, all of it is indicative of the creative drought of this author and the general lack of care for quality of the studio in choosing to adapt this show.

But the sexualization of the underage characters is where this show is at its lowest.

Anime as a medium is typically centered on underage girls. Gelbooru, as a website, is where you go when you want to give in to your basest dirtiest urges about these girls because most anime have the good sense to not sexualize underage girls but many anime fans don’t (cough Kanna cough).

Eromanga Sensei is so resplendent in near pornographic imagery and tasteless crotch, butt, thigh, and tit shots that I’m surprised it was allowed to air on television. Every girl is turned into a sex joke at some point, Eromanga herself is a huge pervert, and there’s an actual point where a girl is blindfolded and molested. Making problems even worse is the fact that the Blu-ray release of this series shows that the television version is actually censored. Yes, that’s right, if you thought this anime about naked teenaged girls was too tame, there is a version where you straight up see their cooches.

If this intrigues you in any way then please climb to the top of the nearest skyscraper and jump off.

Who the hell knocks on the door at two-thirty in the morning? Goddammit…

The anime ends at episode eleven but as with most anime that don’t know when to quit, this one goes an extra episode and gives us the most disgusting and hard-to-watch yet. The series literally ends with a scene where a girl has stripped naked her little kindergarten-aged brother in order to draw his dick so Eromanga has a reference on how to draw male anatomy. This is how we end an anime that aired on television. An anime that sold well. An anime that people have rated highly.

If you or a loved one experienced an erection during Eromanga Sensei, please seek mental help immediately.

Holy shit! My fucking door, why’d you bust it down? Guns? Put those things down I’m just reviewing Eromanga Sensei! Get away from me! Don’t look through my DVD collection!

Oh crap, I didn’t like this anime! Why are you pigs going to arrest me?

I better write the conclusion before they cuff me…

Eromanga Sensei is the most disturbing thing to happen to anime since the last most disturbing thing to happen to anime. It’s everything wrong with the medium wrapped into one dirivitive, unfunny, boring, and pointless package. It’s an anime that shits on writing, it shits on anime, and shits on human decency. It asks you to step into the shoes of a main character so pathetic he’d rather date his characterless and useless sister than a character he spends more time with and helps develop. It assails you with more pedophilic imagery than fucking Salo: The 140 Days. Eromanga only exists to make you hate the light novel industry, hate anime, and hate the fact that a medium you dedicate your time and passion toward is chock full of enough weirdos who enjoy trash like this that Eromanga will get a second season before (Insert title of anime that will never get a second season).

Not so tight! Why are you reading me my Miranda Rights? I didn’t do anything! I hated this anime. It’s trash. Hey, get off my laptop. Don’t click that folder!

NO THOSE AREN’T MY PICTURE OF ELF-CHAN.

I AM NOT INTO THAT. SOMEONE ELSE PUT THEM THERE.

I AM NOT A LOLICON!

You see, she’s naked because playing the piano while nude gives her ideas for novels officer. THAT IS A LEGIT EXCUSE!