Good lord. I can't believe I wasted my time on this crapfest of a show. What we have here is an anime that's part of yet another multimedia project to promote a cell phone game involving cute idol girls. Lapis Re:LiGHTs main selling point is that it takes place in a made up fantasy world with made up countries that are much more European-style in nature as opposed to something like Love Live or 22/7. Now, the only reason I watched this was because nothing else really interested me, and since the plague was still going around and putting a bunch of anime on hold at the time of its airing, I thought it'd be a nice time killer. It was...but now I wish I had every minute I spent watching this crappy show back! Basically, a young girl goes to a fancy magic idol school where she can become a witch, which in this case is basically a magical idol. But she winds up getting stuck with the flunkies who are about to get expelled because they suck at everything. They decide to try and become an idol group and raise enough points so that they don't get expelled.

In the right hands, this premise would have been great. It could have made for an interesting character study and presented a lot of opportunities for storylines that could go just about anywhere. Unfortunately, Lapis Re:Lights has some of the worst writing, direction, and storytelling I've ever seen. And I kind of feel bad about saying that because Lapis Re:LiGHTs has some really interesting ideas and a cool setting! I'll get the positives (or what little of them it has) out of the way so I don't be a complete killjoy. I must admit, the show's setting is really intriguing. Taking place in a European style fantasy land, with magic schools, and "witches" (That's what the idols are called in this show) capable of using all sorts of magic by whistling, using hoverboards to fly around and participate in sports, those are really neat ideas! Had the show actually bothered to capitalize on the ideas it had and flesh out its world a lot more, they really could have brought this setting to life with the ideas they presented. Unfortunately, the show spends more time on cute girls just putzing around and expanding its massive cast than actually caring about things like its setting and, y'know, proper character development.

But more on that in a bit. The setting being really well made also has great animation to back it up. The colors are bright, character motion is smooth, the town the girls live in makes use of both European style architecture and more fantastical, sci-fi elements like hoverboards and castles, and the idol concerts are always a visual treat to watch. Granted, they still use bad, wonky CGI for the actual performances, but at this point it's become the standard, and the character designs...aren't great. Many of the girls don't seem all that distinguishable from one another if you swapped their hair styles, colors, and eye colors, with some exceptions, especially some of the younger, cutesier looking girls like Maryberry (Seriously?! Maryberry?! What the hell kind of dumb name is that?!). Also, I'm not gonna lie, the background music in the show is better than all of the songs the girls sing. Many of the songs feel like they were copy-pasted from other songs over the past 20 or so years, and with a few exceptions, all of them are sung by squeaky voices that just border on grating.

Unfortunately, the animation and music alone absolutely cannot save this utter trainwreck of a show. One of the show's biggest problems is the fact that it's 12 episodes long, yet has a grand total of 24 named characters, barring a select few minor ones who only appear in one or two episodes. The thing about a show with a short length is that it doesn't have the luxuries that a show that has 24-26, or even 52 episodes has, and has to set its cards on the table right at the start. It can't afford to take shortcuts with its story and its characters. Most 12-13 episode anime get around this by keeping their main cast small, and having side characters still play important roles when needed. Lapis Re:LiGHTs made the decision to have an impossibly huge cast of characters, and none of them get any sort of development or focus whatsoever, and even when they do, any development they do get is so utterly predictable and cliche, you can pretty much guess how their arcs will progress without even trying. It doesn't help that many of the episodes just consist of the girls just goofing around or doing stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with the main plot. One episode has the girls play a really degrading magical board game, and in said episode, one of the girls is made to wear a skimpy playboy bunny suit and act like a rabbit for shits and giggles. No, I'm not even kidding. Because the show has such a large cast and no interest in giving them anything beyond one basic personality trait, all of them come across as bland and unmemorable in any way, or wind up being memorable for all the wrong reasons, like Lucifer for being a complete bitch for no reason, and the worst of them, Tsubaki, for basically being a creepy siscon who gets off on stealing her younger sisters' panties for some dumbass reason. Did we really need that? Many of the characters are so insignificant that the show would seriously benefit if they had been cut out completely.

And that's not even getting to the utterly piss-poor writing! The show sets up a lot of rules for its setting, like a point system for the magic school that determines whether kids get to stay or get expelled, but often times it contradicts itself when its most convenient. The main group is constantly on the verge of getting expelled, but a good portion of them don't even give a damn and just want to putz around (Lavie is the worst offender)! Plus, one girl is confirmed to be an adult, or at the very least in her late teens, yet is still in the school under a different name and in another unit, for really stupid reasons that already contradict the show's established rules! They try to explain it as her being held back lots of times, but with how strict the school system is in-universe, you'd think the girl would have gotten expelled! Furthermore, many of the conflicts in this show, especially the one near the end, could have been resolved in five minutes if the characters just talked to each other and explained from the start why they did what they did, y'know, like mature adults! But instead of doing that, they needlessly come up with these weirdly elaborate schemes to not only keep Tiara in the dark about it, but actively sabotage her and the main groups' chances at actually succeeding in every way possible in order to guarantee nothing but failure on their end in order to get them to do what they want! I dare anyone to tell me this isn't some form of emotional abuse and manipulation in some way! The character responsible for all of this doesn't even get called out or given any real consequences for her actions! Because of all of this, and the show's utter lack of interest in fleshing out its characters and...well, everything else, any attempt at being genuine is completely overshadowed by its complete and utter stupidity and over reliance on cliches and stock archetypes. All of it comes together to make a really hokey, mealymouthed ending that's just cheesy and dumb and never felt earned in any way whatsoever.

I really wanted to be more generous with my rating for this show, but the more I watched it and thought about it, the more I realized the show itself doesn't have anything redeemable about it, other than its animation and interesting ideas that it never got to use properly. The reason why I consider shows like, say, Zombieland Saga, AKB0048, and 22/7 to be good, even with their flaws, is because they actually cared enough to flesh out their characters, even if their methods of doing so didn't always make the landing (In the latter's case especially), and put in effort to at the very least try to do something different with their premises and be somewhat enjoyable. Lapis Re:LiGHTs is just a soulless cash grab that is just ultimately hollow, shallow, and a complete waste of time.