Hideako Anno was not screwing around when he wrote Neon Genesis Evangelion. Written at a time in his life when mental health was a subject he was exploring, you can see the outreaches he was trying to go for, express, and show. In my largest opinion - and, I'm prepared to get criticized for this sentence here - I think people who have either had, or have mental health problems can honestly understand and appreciate the art that this show is trying to convey. I'm not great at reviews, and, to be honest, it may be a bit biased, but this is my first one, and I'm going to try my best.

To start out with, I'm going to begin with the basics. The year is 2015, and after a cataclysmic event that nearly wipes out all life on Earth called The Second Impact, fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari, a boy who clearly has problems with anxiety, depression, and parental problems, is summoned to the fictional Tokyo-3 to pilot Evangelion Unit 01 - a large, over five-hundred-foot mecha-robot to defeat the oncoming Angels - alien beings coming to Earth to destroy the rest of humanity - against his wishes. The show explores deep, personal topics such as parental abandonment, trauma, anxiety, depression, philosophy, psychology, religion, and government. It also explores topics such as bonding, friendship, romance, and even betrayal. All in the midst of a war between humanity, and the supernatural entities coming from the sky.

Shiro Sagisu is the show's composer, which you can tell from its powerful soundtrack, and almost gut-wrenching music scores from time to time. At times, I felt that the score was telling the story, expressing the feelings, and leading me on more than the actual lines of dialogue, and visuals from the show.

Characters are very important in a show, otherwise, what's the point? A lot of people hate the characters in this show. Some find Shinji Ikari to whiny - which is the point, really - whereas some people love him. Some people love Asuka, Eva Unit 02's pilot, whereas others either fetishize her or think she's a big bitch. Eva Unit 0's pilot Rei Ayanami has the same contrast. Some people love her blank, hollow expressions - which is the point of her character - and others despise them. To me, I love them all, and I'm going to give a quick rundown of the main "three" in this show, and why I love them.

All of the main characters - arguably, all the characters in the show in general - have some sort of mental issue they're dealing with. So, first of all, let's deal with the lead main character in the show first: Shinji Ikari. Fourteen years old, Shinji is a reluctant, introverted boy. Shown as a boy with anxiety, depression, and known for running away - to the point that this is where the famous "Get in the robot, Shinji" line comes from - the lead is expressed as a "refraction of a hero", in designer Yoshiyuki Sadamoto's words. He finds it hard to come to decisions and pilots his Eva because he has to, not because he wants to. He does things exactly as he's told because that's what makes his life easier. In a lot of ways, this makes him a frustrating character to a lot of viewers. But in some weird, abstract way, he's also very relatable to a percentage of viewers.

In contrast, the pilot Rei Ayanami of Unit 00, is also an introverted girl, known for her very hollow ways, being very expressionless, and almost doll-like in a sense. She's socially detached, and pilots her Eva because, as she puts it in Episode 6: Rei II, "It's my link." As the series continues, she gradually becomes more of a "person", in a sense of being less hollow, more talkative, and making decisions for herself without it being an order. This, however, is not to say she's bland - even though that's how her character is supposed to be. A lot of the time, this is the reason viewers hate Rei, but for me, I found it quite the opposite. I found her quite funny because of her lack of expression. Whether that being in a scene where Asuka asks her to become friends, to which she blandly replies, "What for?" or a scene where Shinji accidentally falls on top of her when she gets out of the shower, and instead of screaming at him for having a hand cupping her breast, she just stares at him and says, "Can you move?" And despite this lack of emphasis, I found myself loving her more and more the larger her character grew until she became one of my favorites.

Now... this one is going to be a hard one. Asuka Langley Soryu is a... complicated character for me. The pilot of Eva Unit 02 is, quite honestly, a big badass in a lot of her fights. But I have one major problem with the queen of tsundere. The over-sexualization of her. No, not of her canonical character, but as the fans and a lot of the media portray her. I don't know what it is about Evangelion fans that they love to just make this fourteen-year-old girl their sex-queen, but it's disgusting. Yes, her character does canonically expose herself like that, but it's because of her tragic past of the death of her father and the mental collapse and eventual suicide of her mother, the only way she can find value in her life is by having all eyes on her and meet every single person's expectations. And if that means showing her breasts to older men to show that she's a "grown-up", as sad as it is, that's her story. I just don't like the people that use that as an excuse to sexualize her in real life. But besides that, Asuka... she's quite a bitch, but that's what makes her funny in a lot of ways. She goes above and beyond to let you know she's pissed off with you, looking down on pretty much everyone as she needs to be the center of attention. Even then, she's still quite the badass.

Now, here's where I'm going to get very personal, and in some ways, maybe even a bit biased, but in truth, this is the reason why I love the series so much. So please, bare with me. It was in 2018, and I was just diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't see myself having a future, and it seemed like I had lost the ability to feel joy. I remember disassociating on the bus, earphones in my head, listening to the same music on repeat as the transportation took me all around the city in loops. It came to the point where I decided to kill myself. I made a plan, a date, a note, and the works. As if, by a sense of fate, my roommate knocked on the door and asked me a question: if I wanted to watch this anime called Neon Genesis Evangelion. I remember saying to myself, "Why the hell not? One last episode of something before I go." As soon as it started, I saw Shinji... and he was a self-insert character for myself - almost to a creepy fault.

Just as in the show, I also struggled a lot with my abusive father, and the way Hideako Anno expressed it in Episode 1: Angel Attack!, I knew that someone finally understood me. And so I watched the second... And I saw Shinij Ikari halfway through the episode with his struggles. Disassociation. Running away. Preferring to be alone. It was then that I knew I found something special. It was from then on, that I didn't stop, and I spent the following eight hours diving into a show that seemed to be made for me. A show about my depression, my anxiety, my life. It sounds cheesy, I know, but this is how it honestly went. It felt so real, so out-of-body to me.

One of the best ways that Hideako Anno expresses psychology, and, honestly, the scene that made me sob in realization as if I was being talked to by myself, takes place in Episode 16: The Splitting of the Breast. In this episode, Shinji is having a talk with one of the Angels, Leliel, as the being explores the human psyche. It confronts him, expressing itself as an alternative to Shinji as a younger version of the pilot's self, the entire scene shows on a train, the two talking as if it's a therapy session. Watching this, the scene opened up my eyes to myself running away from my problems, and how, really, the main reason I was so scared of everybody and everything.

SHINJI A (OFF): “Who's there?”

SHINJI B (OFF):“Shinji Ikari.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “That's me.”
SHINJI B (OFF): “I am you. People have another self within themselves. The self is always composed of two people.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “Two people?”
SHINJI B (OFF): “The self which is actually seen, and the self observing that. There are many entities called Shinji Ikari. The other Shinji Ikari that exists in your mind. The Shinji Ikari in Misato Katsuragi's mind, the Shinji in Asuka Sohryu, the Shinji in Rei Ayanami, and the Shinji in Gendo Ikari. All are different Shinji Ikaris, but each of them is a true Shinji Ikari. You are afraid of those Shinji Ikaris in other people's minds.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “I'm afraid of other people hating me.”
SHINJI B (OFF): “You're afraid of being hurt.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “Who is at fault?”
SHINJI B (OFF): “Father is the one who is at fault. The father who deserted me.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “It's my fault.”
ASUKA: “There you go, always immediately thinking that it's your fault! That's why I say you're self-deprecating!”
SHINJI (OFF): “I can't do anything.”
MISATO: “You just believe that you can't do anything.”
REI: “Don't you have faith in your father?”
SHINJI (OFF): “I think I hate him, but now I'm not sure.”
IKARI (OFF): “Good work, Shinji.”
SHINJI (OFF): “My father called me by my name. I was praised by my father!”
SHINJI B (OFF): “You're going to spend the rest of your life ruminating on that happiness?”
SHINJI A (OFF): “If I believe in those words, I can keep on living.”
SHINJI B (OFF): “As you continue to deceive yourself?”
SHINJI A (OFF): “Everybody does it! That's how everyone survives.”
SHINJI B (OFF): “Believe that you're fine with the way things are, or you won't be able to keep living.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “There's too much hardship in this world for me to keep living.”
SHINJI B (OFF): “For example, the fact you can't swim?”
SHINJI A (OFF): “Humans aren't made to float!”
SHINJI B (OFF): “That is self-deception.”
SHINJI A (OFF): “I don't care what you call it!”
SHINJI B (OFF): “You've shut your eyes and turned a deaf ear to the things you don't like.”
KENSUKE (OFF): “His sister was injured during the incident.”
MISATO (OFF): “Who cares what the others say?!”
IKARI (OFF): “Leave!”
SHINJI (OFF): “No, I don't want to hear this!”
SHINJI B (OFF): “See? You're running away again.”
SHINJI B (OFF): “There's no way you can live by linking just the enjoyable moments like a rosary. Especially not me.”
SHINJI A: “I've found something I enjoy! Finding something you enjoy and doing nothing but that... What's wrong with that?!”

Shinji, through his trauma, struggles, running away, and other things like habits and decisions really was a self-insert character for me, which is why I felt like this anime was something special. The train scene, as well as many others, coupled with an emotional soundtrack, pulled me into something special. Rei and Asuka also live through wonderful accounts of hardship and pain, but Shinji was just the one that stuck with me.

In a trance, the show came and went. For those who have not seen the ending, it's... a trip. There are really two endings. People either enjoy the original ending, Episode 25: Do You Love Me? and Episode 26: Take Care Of Yourself, or they prefer the movie ending, The End Of Evangelion, which takes place right after Episode 24: The Beginning and the End, or 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door. Personally, for me, I prefer the movie ending, but I'll write a review of that at another time - but that's not to say the original ending didn't have a huge effect on me. Quite the opposite, actually. The original ending was quite honestly, not only a therapy session for Shinji, done in an abstract low-budget way, but it was as if all the characters were gathering around, and talking to me on the screen, like a window from one dimension to another. It was the famous "Congratulations" scene, where the dimension broke, and all the characters were applauding Shinji in a victorious yell that I decided to go to therapy and change my life around...

As my eyes widened, my mouth hung open in shock, the characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion spoke to me through the TV in that famous scene. And I'll end off my first review, which is probably not that good, and very biased, but an expression of my story and how I was saved, with the quote that saved my life, and an ending of applause and congratulations from everyone on that TV. Thank you, Hideako Anno, and congratulations.

MISATO: “When you think of it that way, this world of reality isn't so bad.”

SHINJI: “The world of reality might not be so bad. But I hate myself.”
HYUGA: “It's you that perceives reality as bad and unpleasant.”
AOBA: “It's you who's mistaken reality for the truth.”
BUKI: “Your perspective on reality and the importance you place on reality, the slightest difference in these things will greatly change the world inside your mind.”
KAJI: “There are as many truths as there are people.”
KENSUKE: “But there is only one truth for you. One made from your narrow perception of the world and from information that was altered to protect yourself, a warped truth.”
TOJI: “Well, one person's perception of the world's bound to be tiny anyway.”
HIKARI: “But people only have that tiny ruler to measure their surroundings with.”
ASUKA: “And you only try to see things through the truths that other people have given you.”
MISATO: “On sunny days, you feel good.”
REI: “On rainy days, you feel down.”
ASUKA: “Once you've been taught that, you make yourself believe that's how you should feel.”
RITSUKO: “Even though pleasant things can happen on rainy days too.”
FUYUTSUKI: “It's a delicate thing that can be completely transformed just by how you perceive something. The truth within people, that is.”
KAJI: “That's about how solid the truth is for humans. Though, that's what also makes people seek a deeper truth.”
IKARI: “You are merely not used to being loved by other people.”
MISATO: “So there's no need for you to constantly care about what other people think of you.”
SHINJI: “But doesn't everybody hate me?”
ASUKA: “What are you, stupid?! You're just making yourself believe that, that's all!”
SHINJI: “But I hate myself.”
REI: “Anyone who hates himself can't come to love and trust others.”
SHINJI: “I'm a gutless, hypocritical, wimpy coward.”
MISATO: “See? lf you understand yourself, you can be kind.”
SHINJI: “I hate myself.”
SHINJI & ASUKA & MISATO: “But maybe I can learn to love myself.”
SHINJI: “Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here!”
EVERYBODY: "Congratulations."