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Subaru’s backstory
Subaru, a recluse, believed he was utterly insignificant, as if his worth amounted to nothing. He had lost all motivation to interact with others, having abandoned everything that defined his identity as Subaru. In the mirror, he saw a mere outline of someone who seemed devoid of meaning. If Subaru possessed nothing and amounted to nothing, would it be wrong for someone close to him to confirm his worthlessness? As a child, Subaru only knew his father's lesson to keep moving forward. However, carrying the weight of the world can only take you so far. The finish line remains out of reach, and reaching it would mean disregarding those around you. Running too fast leads to losing sight of everyone, including yourself, as you outpace even your own shadow. Transported to a fantasy world, Subaru finds solace in the fact that he can not only equate himself with zero but also paint over his once lifeless existence, transforming it into a blank canvas. However, an idealistic hero's journey is not the essence of the first season. The true purpose of season one was to portray Subaru's multitude of flawed selves, for starting anew requires breaking down the remnants of the past while staying true to oneself. A perfect picture may be flawless, but it lacks the vibrancy of life.
The pain will never go away, even after death
As mentioned in my previous analysis, Subaru's life seemed to find value only through death. However, season two presented an alternative perspective. As Subaru continually chose death as a means to find purpose, he became fixated on a difficult scapegoat, losing sight of the significance his life held for others. His focus shifted solely towards manipulating the future, viewing those close to him as mere rewards. He believed he needed to offer more than just his suffering to gain their acceptance. Suddenly, time comes to a halt, and Subaru, who was accustomed to moving forward alone, finds himself trapped. Each attempt to progress only leads him back to square one, back to zero.
Extra Thoughts
In the first half of the season, Subaru appeared to be lost and confused. He chose to deny the reality of the world he was transported to and strived to become the protagonist, unaware of his own ignorance. Similarly to Rem, Subaru idolized a family member, his father. In his previous world, he sought to stand out and escape from being perceived as just "Subaru." However, these attempts to establish himself as someone different always ended in failure. Subaru questioned what he could offer beyond his own life in order to achieve success, as it seemed that his life held value only through death. He continued to die repeatedly, taking on the burdens himself until he reached his breaking point. Ultimately, the hero of this story came to realize that the qualities he believed defined him were nothing more than illusions created by his own arrogance, dependency, and sloth.
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