I'm writing this review from the perspective of someone who loved FLCL Progressive. I genuinely think Progressive earns the name FLCL. Alternative needs a rewatch before I give my full thoughts but the point is I'm speaking as someone who doesn't think the existence of these sequels is an abomination upon mankind.

What the fuck is this?

Let's go back a bit. I'm of the firm belief that we were going to get sequels to FLCL no matter what. It's not Adult Swim's fault, it's Gainax's for not selling the rights to Hideaki Anno and/or Kazuya Tsurumaki so they could sit on the rights until they croak. I think Adult Swim were the best people to order new FLCL seasons. They're uber fans of the original and understand how inevitable FLCL sequels should be made. The question of whether or not they should exist is an irrelevant one. Ultimately, they exist, and we should judge them on their own merits since they clearly have no intention of surpassing the original. That's why I liked FLCL Progressive.

Then, in March 2022, two more seasons were announced.

ANOTHER batch of FLCL sequels raises several questions. Did Adult Swim consider Progressive/Alternative a success? Were they HAPPY with the middling reception? Do they actually not want these and were forced to make them by either American or Japanese investors? And the elephant in the room, why was one of them animated in CGI?

I've been saying this since the animation style was revealed: it's not that bad. This isn't the worst anime CGI can get, we've got Ex-Arm and Tesla Note to prove that. There's a style to it that makes it shine. But just because the sun shines doesn't mean its heat doesn't piss me off from time to time. The problem lies in how that style clashes with the FLCL style, so it feels like it's struggling to keep it together. But I don't think the animation is the problem. If this was in 2D, I'd might've given this a 5/10 but probably would've kept the score the same.

The animation is not Grunge's problem, it's the writing. People hate Progressive and Alternative because they are named FLCL. But you're supposed to let the FLCL branding become an afterthought while watching it. They aren't meant to be direct sequels, it's just an anthology sort of deal. There's a line you don't cross and FLCL Grunge hopped on a Vespa and blasted through that line: they incorporated characters and locations from the original with NO subtlety towards it. In Progressive, it's a wink to the audience, but in Grunge, it's in your face. The fear of God was felt in my bones when I realized that in the trailer and the show confirmed by suspicions. By including these references in the plot, it's telling the audience that they should be thinking about the original FLCL while they're watching it. Which is the last thing a sequel should be doing? A good sequel's characters, environment and storytelling should be able to stand out on their own without forcing comparisons to the original. This is such a monumental step backwards and I don't know why Adult Swim approved of this.

The characters are uninteresting. Shinpachi is a worse version of Naota, Shonari is part of a clan of rock people that stick out like a sore thumb since they're the only fantasy species in this world, Orinoko doesn't stand out when we've had plenty of other anime girls like her in the past. If the FLCL sequels have done anything, it's bastardize Haruko Haruhara. What once was a mysterious but fascinating character for anime fans has now become an annoyance. These sequels, fortunately, don't explore her backstory, but we now have more Haruko than we ever needed. What I'm trying to say is that it's old.

Finding out that the series was only 3 episodes last week was a shock. I didn't understand why the series was so short or why every episode took place "on the same day from 3 different perspectives". And having seen all of it...NO! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! There's nothing special about this night, there's nothing special about these characters, there's nothing special about this animation and that's a big problem because FLCL is one of the most special anime ever made.
If you're going to have a THIRD completely unnecessary sequel to one of the most beloved anime of all time, then you goddamn better provide something special. Progressive was special. Alternative was special. People will tell me I'm wrong but I will die on that hill. Grunge THINKS it's special when there is nothing special about it. Anything this provides is something I can find elsewhere in anime. It fails to have a purpose in existing as an anime, don't even get me started on its failure to exist as a sequel to FLCL.
At least FLCL Shoegaze looks good.