I. Intro

“Behold, the vast world in which we live! It is rampant with monsters that threaten human life. This threat is opposed by countless adventurers! Heroes! Every day, they face these dangerous battles…To protect the people! To protect the world! And I, Alvin, am one of them!”

After this grand opening monologue, our brave protagonist, Alvin, is attacked by a ferocious Mostly Bear! He is quickly disarmed by the creature and is about to be impaled by her horn. When all hope seems lost, a dark elf healer named Carla appears to offer her assistance. Could this be the start of a great adventure—the humble beginnings of the party fated to vanquish the great evil threatening the land and restore peace to the world?

Carla clasps her hands in prayer, surely about to cast a powerful spell to enhance Alvin’s abilities…only to declare that he should repeat his request for help while kneeling and pressing his forehead to the ground.

Uhh…what?

And if that’s not odd enough, Alvin and Mostly Bear agree to pause their fight so Alvin can figure out what Carla’s deal is. The bear can even speak fluent Japanese and cycles through three different speech tics in less than 10 seconds!

Oh, were you expecting another generic fantasy adventure anime? Don’t feel bad if you fell for the bait-and-switch. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the chaos of the fantasy adventure anime parody Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer!

II. Premise/Story

Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! makes fun of common fantasy adventure tropes and goes out of its way to subvert the viewer’s expectations. In fact, everything described in the previous section (besides the bear speaking Japanese, which happens several minutes later in the same scene) unfolds in the first minute and a half of the anime. Later on, Alvin unintentionally offends Mostly Bear by discussing her age, causing her to brutally knock him out on reflex. As a form of apology, she transports Alvin to her cabin to recuperate.

You know, just in case it still wasn’t clear what kind of show Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! is.

There isn’t much story here, as the anime would rather devote its runtime to parodic jokes and Alvin and Carla’s comedic dynamic. Aside from the first half of the first episode, where Alvin and Carla first form their party, most of the anime features their various misadventures. These are usually parodies of common fantasy occurrences, such as exploring dungeons, gathering herbs for a quest, and fighting creatures in “random” encounters.

The show does feature several multi-episode arcs, which help to break up the repetitiveness of the show, but even that can’t save Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! from being bland the rest of the time. The anime derives (or at least attempts to derive) a lot of humor from Alvin and Carla’s dynamic. The jokes are simple: Carla says something funny (e.g. an outlandish statement, an insult directed at Alvin, or exaggerated self-praise) and Alvin points out how ridiculous she’s being or fights back against the insult. If you’re wondering how a 12-episode anime can keep this kind of humor fresh, the answer is simple: it can’t. After a few episodes, the comedy routine starts getting stale. To the show’s credit, it eventually introduces additional party members, which does make the main Alvin/Carla dynamic more bearable, but only slightly so. The first new member, Altargaia, doesn’t join until Episode 4, and even then it barely affects the dynamic because it doesn’t have as strong of a personality as Alvin and Carla. It also doesn’t help that it sometimes leaves the party to do its own thing and randomly reappears (which is supposed to be funny, I guess?). The other two members, Anna and Ryoko, formally join the party at the start of Episode 11, and while they are interesting, there isn’t enough time for them to have a lasting impact on the party’s dynamic (reminder: this show has 12 episodes). It’s disappointing that we only get to see a fraction of the potential of such a wacky party’s adventures during the anime’s final arc.

III. Characters

A. Alvin

Alvin is a hilariously inept beginner warrior. I appreciated the show’s commitment to never showing his face. Even in scenes where his helmet is off, his face is always either obscured by something else in the scene or just barely off-screen. It’s a subtle but entertaining running gag. His comedic role in the party is to be the sole voice of reason against Carla’s eccentricities (and later on, against Altargaia, Anna, and Ryoko’s as well), and it works. There’s nothing wrong with this character, but there’s also nothing memorable about him. He’s just a guy that’s meant to be a metaphorical punching bag for most of the other characters in the show.

B. Carla

Carla is a dark elf healer who is, quite frankly, very annoying to watch. She’s always insulting Alvin and refuses to follow basic common sense. I understand that her character is meant to clash harshly with Alvin’s to generate a significant amount of the anime’s comedy, but it doesn’t make her any more likable. She would have been more bearable if the show delved more into her backstory to explain why she is the way she is, but it’s simply not interested in diving past the superficial. On multiple occasions, the show has the other characters wonder if she’s really a healer, which is an amusing plot thread, but it’s disappointing that the show doesn’t tug on it any further. It doesn’t help that she has the most screen time in the show (aside from Alvin, of course). Overall, I did not like Carla as a character.

C. Altargaia, Anna, and Ryoko (a.k.a. The Other Members)

For a show focused on parodying fantasy adventure tropes, I was surprised that it didn’t feature a dysfunctional party from the beginning (although I suppose you could argue delaying the formation of the aforementioned party is a subversion in itself). Unfortunately, these other members of the party don’t contribute much.

Altargaia is a mushroom creature that initially fights Alvin but eventually joins his party because it feels like tagging along. As mentioned previously, it has a small running gag where it wanders off on its own (unnoticed by Carla and Alvin) and reappears when the plot demands it. Even when it is physically present as a member of the party, it doesn’t do much besides provide additional commentary. Like Alvin, Altargaia lacks any memorable personality traits, so when it disappears from the party I barely notice any difference in the dynamic. You could argue that this is intentional and part of the running gag, but it doesn’t solve the problem of the party feeling very same-y. I do like Altargaia’s design, though. Its purple cap has horns, “eyes”, and protrusions that resemble fangs, which are all really cute. I also liked how Altargaia is apparently strong enough to casually bend open the metal bars of prison cells, even though this detail is never mentioned before this point.

Anna is a ghost thief and Ryoko is an undead spirit (?) maid who both join Alvin and Carla’s party after the party arrives at Ryoko’s home to deal with her haunting incidents. They are introduced at the same time, so from the start they compete for screen time, which is a shame because they are both interesting characters. Anna is both incorporeal and is really good at stealing things, two aspects that complement each other. Ryoko, meanwhile, is an undead spirit maid (did I mention what a wild combination that is?) that has the ability to teleport and access an extradimensional area to use as an infinite item storage box. Her introduction and her transformation from a spooky spirit to a seemingly normal catgirl maid were some of my favorite moments in the entire anime (she also never changes back). These characters are both fun additions to the party by providing new sources of humor.

And to the show’s credit, the final arc is vastly more entertaining. Each member of the party has something to do, and they each get a chance to shine. They bounce off each other well, and the show relies less on the Carla/Alvin dynamic to maintain the comedy. Even Altargaia’s gag of disappearing and reappearing is relevant!

There are still issues with Anna and Ryoko’s inclusion, though. First, I thought it was strange how Carla introduces Anna by explaining how the latter was killed in Ryoko’s mansion while exploring it, implying Ryoko was responsible for Anna’s death. And yet, Anna displays no open hostility to Ryoko at all throughout the remainder of the show. Of course, it’s possible it’s just correlation not causation and that Ryoko had no involvement in Anna’s death, but then the show should have clarified that point before adding the two to the party. Furthermore, as mentioned previously, Anna and Ryoko only get 2 episodes to do stuff, which just isn’t enough time for them to really shine. I wish they were introduced earlier so I could watch more of the fully assembled party’s antics.

IV. Everyone Else

Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! features a wide cast of fantasy-related characters and creatures. Most of them are pretty one-note and only exist for the sake of subverting some trope. I didn’t have an issue with this given the show’s episodic parodic nature, but I wish they went further with the subversions.

IV. Art/Animation

The art and animation for Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! are average. The backgrounds and character designs are pretty generic, which work for a fantasy adventure parody but fail to give this show an identity of its own.

V. OP/ED

Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer!’s OP and ED are OK. Aguri Onishi was a welcome surprise, but I’m probably not going to be adding either song to my personal playlist anytime soon.

However, the OP’s structure is brilliant for a fantasy adventure parody. The show uses this sequence to introduce the entire cast of the show and credit their voice actors, which sounds fine until you realize this essentially spoils all the characters that Alvin’s party is going to meet on their adventures. The credits are even divided by episode, so you know for sure who’s showing up in each one–except for the final episode’s section, which refuses to name a mysterious shadowy character or their voice actor. The deliberate nature of the entire opening sequence is such a clever and bold subversion that even though there are fewer surprises, I have to respect it. I’ve definitely never seen anything like it before.

I appreciated how the first half of each episode’s ED depicts the current members of Alvin’s party and the guest characters because it’s a simple way to close out each episode. The featured characters change depending on who has joined the party and what guests showed up, which is a nice touch. The chibi versions of all the characters are very cute. I also liked the comic book panel aesthetic in the second half of the ED.

VI. My Other Thoughts/Conclusion

Overall, Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! is a decently entertaining parody of the fantasy adventure genre. It subverts a lot of tropes and viewer expectations, but a lot of it is superficial. Most guests are confined to their own short sections, and rarely reappear afterwards. Once a guest character performs their shtick, the anime moves on to the next guest, never to be seen again (excluding the characters involved in multi-episode arcs, of course). The anime spends so much time poking fun at the genre that it never forms a unique identity.

Another significant weak point of the show is that, as mentioned previously, it relies extensively on Alvin and Carla’s dynamic, which just isn’t funny as often as it should be. A lot of the humor from this dynamic can be boiled down to “Carla says something funny, Alvin exaggeratedly responds, and repeat”. Unfortunately, you can only say something wacky and expect it to be funny so many times before it isn’t anymore. Additionally, I found Carla annoying and borderline toxic due to how often she verbally abuses Alvin. It doesn’t help that Altargaia, Anna, and Ryoko almost always take Carla’s side in her and Alvin’s numerous arguments.

Occasionally, there is some good banter, but it’s vastly outweighed by the bad. That’s not to say there aren’t some clever gags though. Besides the OP spoiling the entire guest cast (except for one character), another memorable joke is how each episode’s title (introduced at the end of the preceding episode) is comically long and usually contains a brief summary of that episode’s events and sometimes random production-related trivia. The titles are always run-on sentences and feel like informal, long-winded rambles. It’s endearing, memorable, and a fun subversion, and I have to give the show credit for committing to the bit by making each episode’s title equally long.

Overall, Don’t Hurt Me, My Healer! is an average fantasy adventure parody. If you’re looking for some harmless, brainless entertainment, this is an OK choice. Personally, I think I’d rather watch Konosuba.

Final Score: 7.0/10

P.S. Here’s one of my favorite jokes in the show: