How? I don't understand. I get that Toei really likes to milk their franchises for all they're worth, with the All-Stars crossover movies for Pretty Cure being no exception. I generally don't bother with the All-Stars movies because I haven't seen every single Pretty Cure season ever made and I don't have the time to watch them all. But because Toei likes making money, they churned out yet another crossover movie, Pretty Cure All Stars F. I didn't think this was going to make a blip outside of Japan and fansubs because Pretty Cure hardly ever found an audience outside of Japan for a bunch of reasons that are way beyond the scope of this review. Yet, somehow...Not only did All Stars F become the highest grossing Pretty Cure movie in the franchise to date, complete with the highest opening weekend box office sales, but it was apparently enough to get exported and dubbed in other countries like Italy, Hong Kong, Laos, Thailand, Taiwan, and Cambodia. That baffles me, because having seen the movie myself...I don't understand how this was the movie that would help Pretty Cure get exported to other countries that never had it before. Why? Why this one? Why is THIS the movie that made the most bank, because there's nothing about it that makes it any different from other Pretty Cure All Stars movies. Plus, even without the fact that it's a Pretty Cure crossover movie, there's just so much wrong with it and how it handles everything that it frustrates me to no end.

I'm gonna get the biggest issue out of the way first: the plot. Not only does it feel like a flimsy excuse just to get a bunch of Cures from different series together, there's absolutely no structure or attempt at cohesion whatsoever. We're literally just thrown into the action right off the bat, and if you haven't seen any of the Pretty Cure seasons that this movie focuses on, you'll be absolutely baffled as to who the hell these characters are, how they even got to meet, and why we should bother caring about them. Even the reason for why everyone is in this situation in the first place only raises more questions than answers, and the resolution to it all is just a lot of magic, a lot of yelling, and a lot of Deus Ex Machinas that come right out of nowhere because we gotta get the kiddies to buy our products. What little stakes it has wind up being completely undermined by the fact that all it takes is the power of rainbows and speeches about friendship to magically fix everything, from broken buildings to even the end of the world apparently. At this point, the movie isn't even trying to hide the fact that its only purpose is to sell toys. I know other series, even other Pretty Cure series, have done this too, but All Stars F handles everything with all the subtlety and grace of an elephant on figure skates in a china shop.

Not only that, because of just how slapdash and shoddily put together the plot is, there's almost no point in talking about the characters because the only reason you'd even care about them and their plight is if you've seen the shows they starred in previously. If you're not already familiar with them or haven't seen the shows they belong to, they all come across as bland ciphers who only do stuff because the plot demands it. Then again, it's pretty hard to give about 20 or so characters any form of development in a movie whatsoever. Even the movie's attempts at developing the characters ring completely hollow because it completely throws logic out the window when doing so. In an early scene, Yukari and Lala get into an argument because the former doesn't want to stick to the group and wants to search for answers on her own, but Lala rightfully points out that not only would it be dangerous for her to do so considering their situation, there's safety in numbers, though what the movie doesn't mention is that they're in a snowy area and Yukari could easily get frostbite or hypothermia and die in the cold. Yukari calls Lala a bothersome child and runs off like a brat, and has to be rescued later and they reconcile. But for some reason, Lala is treated as being in the wrong and she's made to apologize for "not considering Yukari's feelings," which is complete bullshit because Lala's concerns were absolutely valid, and you'd think Yukari would know better than to go out into a blizzard all alone with no protection whatsoever. Uh, hello? Has she not heard of frostbite or hypothermia? I don't know what Yukari is like in Kira Kira Pretty Cure A La Mode since I haven't seen it yet, but her bratty behavior here did NOT endear me to her in any way, because how dare Lala not want her to fucking freeze to death. I couldn't even bring myself to like the new characters in this movie, and not just because Cure Supreme's design is awful and makes her look like a bad tie-dye Cure Echo with animal ears. God, her dead eyes freak me the hell out.

As much as I don't like All Stars F, it does have SOME good things going for it. It's a very bright, flashy, colorful movie. Flashes, beams, and sparkles abound, all animated with an insane amount of fluidity, with the hand-to-hand combat given just as much care and looking quite visceral. It certainly looks more cinematic than the Tropical Rouge movie, that's for sure. But good lord, why did the movie feel the need to animate the girls in really bad CGI in the final battle? Seriously, it looked awful, and they should have just stuck with doing it all 2D. The soundtrack is fine too, even though most of it is reused from Hirogaru Sky. But good animation and a decent soundtrack cannot fix this movie's flaws, and it's honestly no different from other All Stars movies that came before it...which honestly begs the question: Why the hell is THIS the movie that's getting exported to other countries and even getting dubs in their languages?! Most of which never even got any seasons past Heartcatch or Doki Doki, or even Yes Pretty Cure 5 for that matter! A movie like this REQUIRES you to be familiar with the characters and their parent series, so I can't fathom why Toei is pushing for this to receive international screenings, complete with dubs, when anybody in those countries who watches them won't know fuck-all about them because said series never got exported there previously! The only country I could plausibly see this working with is Italy, where Pretty Cure actually does have a solid stronghold in, but even they couldn't bring over every Pretty Cure series past Heartcatch because of Saban's shenanigans with Smile and Doki Doki.

So yeah, in the end, Pretty Cure All Stars F is just another marketing vehicle for Toei to push toys. Honestly, the whole movie feels like the animated equivalent of shaking keys in front of a child's face to keep their attention. Even by marketing vehicle standards, All Stars F just feels insulting, not just to kids' intelligence but to adults' because of how little regard it has for anything resembling cohesion and substance whatsoever. Look, I like Toei when they actually try, and I'm not trying to rag on the Pretty Cure series as a whole, because I do enjoy certain seasons. They're not perfect by any means, but when Toei actually puts in effort, they are able to make some truly great things. But this is not one of them. If you're looking for some bright colors to entertain you for 70 minutes or just want to watch your favorite Cures interact, feel free to give this a watch, but that's really all All Stars F has going for it, otherwise give it a miss.