Psychic School Wars is the answer to the question of what would happen if the writer of Steins;Gate suddenly had a stroke which left him mentally retarded. That the premise is dumb is self-evident by the thoroughly unimaginative title. That is not to say that the title actually tells you what will happen. The closest thing to a war in this movie is if it should take itself seriously or linger even longer on butt-shots and boob-glances.

The conflict in the movie, if we can call it that, is between the super-cliched transfer student Ryouichi and the equally cliche bumbling village idiot Kenji, or Ken for short. Ken is as thick as wood, and about as filled with personality as a black hole. Of course he also has a neighbour, Natsuki, who is both talented, physically strong, and helplessly in love with Ken. And Ken, the bumbling idiot that he is, has no clue. Ken is in love with boob-chan, or Kahori as she is also called. Kahori has a gentle spirit, likes playing the piano, is not at all interested in Ken, and obviously falls madly in love with our handsome mysterious Ryouichi at first glance - cause it was decided that there weren't enough cliches in this movie already - while she pays no heed to poor idiot Ken.

Of course the mysterious transfer student has a glassy thing, a not so subtle hourglass which shimmers. And a white fox companion which speaks like an old dude and looks like a Pokemon. He uses the glassy shiny thing to set things in motion, and the only one who can stand against him is Ken-kun the bumbling village idiot! The problem is that while the storyline is both incredibly simple and could make for some effective and interesting conflicts, the movie entirely forsakes these conflicts for romantic drama. This is not a war, but simply some slapped on time-traveling, psychic mumbo-jumbo with some pseudo-intellectual philosophical garbage being uttered so that it looks cool. It's as if a teenager wrote the script to try and impress other teenagers.

It's an adaption, and to everyone's surprise the writer is actually an old dude! I don't think we should blame the poor fellow too much though, the movie stands on its own and fails on its own. Having not read the source material that this movie is based on, I am willing to give that poor old dude reasonable doubt. The story is bewildering, meandering, and pointless. I sat there waiting for something to happen, yet nothing really ever did. It had some poor attempts at trying to show bullying which just seemed like a mockery of bullying everywhere. Everything that could have been given weight, including the relationships which form the main focus of the story, are instead drained of life by shitty anime Dracula. Oh and they want you to sit through the credits, all of them - yes all of them - before they end the movie. It's as if they looked at Marvel movies and said

-You know what would be even more awesome than a small end credit scene? THE WHOLE ENDING END CREDIT-SCENE. We are geniuses, what could possibly go wrong.

The one redeeming feature of this movie lies in the artwork, which although uneven, does present us with some beautiful scenery. This movie is not really worth your time, but if you do watch it, leave your brain at the door. Even then, there is no action, no war, no nothing. This movie is as pointless as this review.