holy fuck i never want to watch this again

~

...ok scratch that. maybe i can watch this again. frankly, i should, because this film has genuinely consumed me for the past five days. i needed a hell of a lot of time to process what the fuck this film was saying, and to get my feelings on paper because this was one of the most overstimulating and densely packed and fucking horrifying films i've ever seen. i don't know if i'll see another movie that's as psychologically shocking as this will be. genuinely, how did the scene of shinji and ausuka in the kitchen fly past censors?? HOW?? the flashing red sequence immediately after the jump cut is fucking horrifying, and i don't say that lightly. it truly washes all over your senses with hydrocloric acid and doesn't give a fuck about it.

simply put, if you are not mentally well in any capacity, do not watch this film. seek therapy, and do not try to cope through such an overwhelming piece of media.

as an alternate ending, it's genius. i already adored the ending of the show, with how abstract it was, and how they ripped apart each characters psyche, making them conclude that yes, life was worth living despite it being painful. however, the end of evangelion spits in the face of anyone saying the characters deserved any self-actualisation.

it shows every possible horrible decision shinji could make, falling so deep into his self created hole. he, oh, i don't know, ends the fucking world out of spite and self hatred. in this movie he is such a disgusting parasite to those around him, so desperate for affection from others and to be noticed by others, he destroys any possible connection he has left with people in his life without care or concern because he hates himself just that much, and he can't bare to be possibly hurt in anyway. i don't feel sorry for him at all.

the third impact, the apocalypse that is the centrepiece of this film, is beyond horrifying. the breadth and scale with it, paired with the imagery, gore, sound design, and score make it one of the best scenes in animation. the score, being a happy and jaunty number with some of the most subtlety terrifying lyrics i've ever heard is so far superior to any depressing song they could've used in the background. it compliments and repulses the film simultaneously.

the animation is stunning. the TV show was nothing to write home about animation-wise (until the last few episodes) but this whole production is mindblowingly well executed. characters facial expressions perfectly display the extremely distressing emotions shown in this film. the moments of the show where shinji truly brakes down offer some of the most creative use of avant-garde art ive ever seen, so easily communicating how fundamentally broken he is mentally and socially. quite literally, those moments were so intense i literally felt physically ill. the shots in the last three minutes of this film are some of the best cinematography i've ever seen.

this is one of me most liberally creative and toxically horrifying films ever put to celluloid. it deserves every accolade and shred of praise, and its main character deserves all of the shame and disgust possibly imaginable. truly an immaculate capstone to a central pillar of the world of japanese animation.