Dears, oh Dears. This anime is an incestuous marriage of fan service and stupidity. It’s also a true testament to being boring. So with a concoction like that, everybody just knows that this show is going to make a great review. but as someone who was on the frontlines watching this shit, let me tell you something. This was extremely painful for me.

By the way this review is brought to you by Paid internet legends. Paid internet legends is a dark satirical RPG where you play as a guy who has to shamble on through life, while writing anime reviews on the internet.

Oh wait, that's just my life.
Oh well, let’s get back to dears.

So Dears, is an anime that came out back in 2004 by a studio called Musashino Productions. I only know this because a friend of mine also did a review on this anime m. He was comparatively more kind to the show then I’m about to be, because I and many other people who like anime, consider Dear's the worst anime ever made. So strap in ladies and gentlemen.

So what makes dears so bad? Well let’s start with the plot, which my brain is probably going to melt a bit while i’m describing it to you.

So the story takes place one year after an alien race crash-lands on Earth. After finding out that this alien species doesn’t have a name, the human race gets together and decides to name their species Dears. Which side note was Dears really the best name humanity could come up with. Look, whether you love humans or are misanthropic, you've got to admit we’re usually pretty good at coming up with names for things. Hell, it doesn’t even matter if they are real and fictional. So calling them dears is stupid. But fine, we’ll go with it.

Our main character is a high school boy named Takeya Ikuhara, who is extremely bland. Honestly the most memorable thing about this guy is that he sells porn to his classmates like Micheal from rooster teeth. One day while Takeya is walking home from school when he finds one of the dears who he takes in. By the way she dresses like she’s from a 70s sci fi porno, which I guess it could be fitting. After he takes her in he gives her the name Ren, the rest of the plot is mostly just filler. Yes there are some other plot details that come much later. But they're pretty small and I’m not going to bother recounting it. Just go read a synopsis if you honestly give shit, and while you’re reading that synopsis asks yourself why you care.

Now I know some may say that it's a comedy anime, so it’s unfair to say it’s filler when it’s making you laugh, because some comedies are like that. My response to that is you might have had a point if it was funny, but this isn’t funny on any level. This isn’t even a situation where it’s a different type of humour, because I could understand that and just say it’s not my cup of tea. But this anime is not funny on any level and in all different cultures. We stand united as species to say that this shit is not humorous.

Now to further my point about why this show is so unfunny, I’m going to tell you about Takeya’s teacher. You may ask why I’m singling out a minor character. Well that’s because every scene with this character is weaponized cringe. Literally the first scene she’s in is her with her tits out and in her underwear, while she’s laughing in the middle of class. Ok, this is supposed to be funny how? I will literally pay anyone $100 (Note I won’t) If they explain to me why that’s supposed to be funny.

Basically, she has the personality of the most annoying skank. Just imagine that for every scene she’s in, and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what she’s like.

Now this show is full of ecchi content, which normally I would be cool with. But unless this is a prono, tits and ass alone isn’t going to save you. Obviously I’m watching a TV show for the writing, So if I’m just watching super over-the-top ecchi scenes that are not funny, are just filler, are boring, and kind of make you feel uncomfortable, then why should I be watching your show.

So hopefully you now understand why Dears makes me want to punch something. The problem with this show is it’s not funny to an uncomfortable degree, and it mostly leads to nothing. So what you're left with is both cringe and boredom increased to the max. Seriously I’ve never seen a show max out both. You’d think they’d both cancel each other out to just being one of the two, but no this show manages to go above and beyond in being completely heinous.

Honestly I could just end it here, but I watched the whole show. So I’m going to keep going so I can let it all out of my system. You might think it wouldn’t be so bad because it’s only 13 episodes, but I promise you’ll feel every minute of it.

So what else about this show is horrible Hmm. Well I hate how it uses slavery as a part of being a romantic comedy, yes I’m absolutely serious, this is not a joke. Not only that but it’s played like a serious romantic development. Look guys unless this is game of thrones or something you can’t do that, especially in a rom com kind of way. Where were the writers' brains when they decided this was totally normal? By the way I haven’t read the manga because I’m not subjecting myself to that torture again. That would be masochistic.

Oh and if anyone is defending the slavery elements of this show in the comments, because the dears are supposed to be created to be the perfect slaves. Then I just want you to look in the mirror, and come to grips with the fact that what you're defending to me is in fact slavery.

And yes I guess I just said a spoiler, but with this show does it really matter.

So as you can probably tell, the romance in this is really bad just by its very nature. But the funny thing is, this anime almost did something good. You see, by having the main character give the love interest her name, it could’ve allowed their bond to grow. But in a good show like Shakugan no Shana, it’s a really touching moment. In dears, it’s basically just I can’t pronounce your real name so I’m going to call you Ren. How romantic.

This actually leads to another problem I have with dears, that being that the romance doesn’t go anywhere. Like, seriously, romantic is in the word romantic comedy. So yeah, if you’re looking for romance to eventually bloom between these two, then I’m pretty sure you’re expecting way too much form this show. This also leads to more boredom, by the way.

Here is Another problem with Dears that is pretty bad. You see, one of the appeals of the Sci-fi genre is not just the technology and incredible phenomena, but also being able to explain how they work. Sure, you could probably say stuff like the spaceship design in something like Star Trek isn’t entirely realistic, but it’s set up in a way where you feel like it could happen.

Now why does this matter? Well, because the dears have the ability to magically defy the laws of physics by sprouting clothes from out of nowhere. Also, they can learn how to speak an entirely new language just by reading a few books. Sure, there’s a big flashing light that emanates from them when they're doing this, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is so god damn stupid.

Now I know a lot of people are going to say that there have been stories where sci-fi has been mixed with fantasy-like elements, such as Star Wars, Dune, and Code Geass. But the difference between those stories and something like dears, is that they either intentionally gave the mystical elements vague origins, or made sure that they would fit into the world they set up. Also they usually made sure to give a sort of gravitas to those mythical elements.

My point is when dears has these moments that are debatably what I’m talking about. It doesn’t come across as something mythical, it just comes across like really shitty and contrived writing.

The lack of brain power of this series is sickening if you take it seriously, and it’s just plain silly if you don’t.

Now some may say that the last two episodes of the show are comparatively more focused and have less filler, which to be fair is true. But who cares it’s near the end and it’s hell to get to it, so it’s not like those final two episodes are saving anything.

By the way, do you realize that this anime aired the same year as the original Full Metal Alchemist. Yeah fun little trivia for you.

One of the other problems with this anime is that most of the side characters have little to no personality, and since the main leads are mostly bland as well, it begs one big question, who am I supposed to get attached to. The answer is no one.

So let me be fair here, is there anything I actually liked about dears? Well the music is ok I guess, and again I suppose I can admit that the last two episodes are at least more focus and slightly better then the rest of the series.

Also I liked it when it was over.
That was a good moment.

So my final verdict on dears is it sucks, end of story. I mean seriously this show is 99.9 percent awful, with a tiny spec of ok. So don’t watch it. This review might have come across a bit jumbled. But trust me when you’re reviewing a show this bad, it’s kind of hard to know where to start.

I guess if you were looking for a show kind of like this, I might recommend chobits. It’s not really my thing Éthier, but I can acknowledge that it’s much better written.

All I can say is thank god I never have to watch this show ever again.

It's a 1 out of 10

Anyway, that’s my review, I’m going to go eat my processed chips now.