“Why do people fight? Why does war exist? A difference of opinion? A difference of religion? How ridiculous… I want to show this to those who would wage war - Three goddesses are pressing their boobs against each other. This has the power to rid the world of all its fighting!”

Oh boy!

The season was Summer 2017, a rather disappointing season altogether, with concepts ranging from exciting new worlds to fucking centaur girls and everything in between, giving even the kinkiest of anime fans something to try. But it seemed like none of them could stand apart from the crowd, rise up and be the season’s beacon of hope for anime fans. Kakegurui’s crazy faces could only go so far, Fate/Apocrypha is a shell of Fate’s former self and My Hero’s Academia’s “TOURNAMENT ARC” ended last season. However, I am here to change all of that, because there is one show that not only gives us the kind of “plot” that we want, but aims to break modern storytelling conventions to create something special. People will write it off as just cheap otaku pandering, but that in itself is just cheap. This show is a misunderstood masterpiece as it makes anime economically a viable option to invest time and money in to. And how does it go about doing that? The only way the industry knows how: ANIME TIDDIES!!!

Ok. Enough with the nonsense.

As you can probably tell, Hajimete no Gal has no shame; it’s a show that managed to stand out from every other anime this season purely because of the amount of lewd fan-service jammed into the show. It is an ecchi high school romance-comedy anime produced by Studio Naz. Nothing in that last sentence sounds promising to me as I have only seen one anime before that belonged to those exact genres that I thought was good, that being the extremely sadistic Prison School. And Studio Naz, despite never having seen a show made from them, are responsible for the notorious DRAMA-tical Murder, need I say more. This anime from the start was pinned by many to be disaster, and while I am of the belief that shows that are predominantly ecchi are not inherently bad, I was not looking at this anime with much in the way of expectations. But I still held hope that it would not turn out as a complete disaster. After all, when one first imagines shoving a hotdog up their ass, I would expect the reaction to be rather negative. I mean, who in their right mind would ever shove a hotdog up their ass? But assuming something is different to experiencing it firsthand. Who knows, maybe one would enjoy the feeling of a hotdog inside their ass? You can never really know unless you try it, so that’s what I did. But not the hotdog part, I’m still not trying that. I watched all 10 episodes of Hajimete no Gal, and this is what I thought:

NOTE: This review is purely for the subbed version.

Hajimete no Gal in short, is trash. This just so happened to be one of those times when assuming a show is terrible before you even start was the best course of action for many anime fans. It follows this generic-looking pervy dude in high school named Junichi who has next to no confidence at all and is a virgin – this feature being seen in a negative light because in this kind of anime, of course it would. He is portrayed as a pathetic loser who’s saddled with a trio of friends even more pathetic that all lust over women, read porno magazines openly and ultimately keep Junichi from having any real chance at getting laid. But one day, the three stooges force Junichi to confess to the sluttiest girl in school that they know as some sort of prank. Junichi being the weakest character in the entire show goes through with it and somehow… it worked. The “gal” he confessed to, Yukana Yame, knows that all Junichi is after is sex, yet she decides she wants to go out with him. This is implied that she seems to take pleasure in teasing him and making fun of Junichi’s insecure self, but that maybe there’s more to Junichi that Yukana likes that will be developed as the show continues. With this kind of premise, it is obvious that the show is on the trashy side of anime, but the setup did show promise. The relationship at first looked like it could turn out alright, and the way characters were introduced as common caricatures in a harem anime gave the possibility to break the stereotypes within the sub-genre, leaving us with a show that, whilst trashy, has some substance that’s worth the watch. Unfortunately, the hope was all for nought as it turned out to be another shitty harem series.

From the first episode, we are shown every female character that will eventually be a part of the harem: the stereotypical main “gal” Yukana, the big-titted loli Nene and Yui, the Asian prefect (who just so happens to be the only female with a cup size below D). Honestly, their appearances are the only features that matter, because when you take away the T&A, they are all basic bitches that are only there for the sake of the harem and that never changes. Remember that these women all have the feelings for Junichi, the pinnacle of ‘self-insert male protagonist’ that is so bland that in no way can anyone similar to him get the kind of attention he gets. The only female that makes logical sense to be in his harem is G-cup jail-bait Nene, and that is only because of their childhood friendship. Yukana has no sensible reason for spending so much time with Junichi, especially considering how she first met him after seeing him read a porno magazine with the rest of his doofus friends – the future child offender included. Yui is only after Junichi because of this weird fetish for controlling men like him, despite how Junichi seems to be the only guy in the entire show that she is ever interested in, paying no attention to any of his fellow virgin friends. Yukana’s friend Ranko is another character prevalent in the show and is the only girl that doesn’t want Junichi’s virginity, but she has as much development as the rest of the cast here – none. Also, fun fact: Ranko’s character design is a rip off of Mito from Food Wars. The only viewers that I can imagine liking these characters are the ones who screenshot specific clips for “later use”.

The male characters are no better, with each character being completely one-dimensional, cringeworthy and an embarrassment to any man with integrity watching this. Junichi’s best pal Shinpei has one purpose in this entire show: to act as Junichi’s wingman. You might be thinking somewhere along the lines of ‘well that’s pretty shit’, but at least he has a reason to be on screen. The blonde-haired guy of the group, Keigo has no reason to even exist! I had to look up his nam because he was so irrelevant. He has so much hollow characterization that he could have switched spots with Junichi as the generic protagonist and the story would have stayed the exact same. But the worst of them has to be Junichi’s fat ass friend Minoru, who openly admits that he is a paedophile with no shame whatsoever. This guy even says that 15 year old girls are “too old for him” … this is a new low folks. What’s even more cringe is how these little shits seem to nearly always talk about online streams of cam girls when together in school. Hajmete no Gal already shows numerous couples groping each other in public in the first 5 minutes. But when it comes to showing how much of a cesspool the setting is, it goes above and beyond, and that does nothing in the long run. It may be laughable at first, but it only adds to the pile of manure that this show shits out on a regular basis.

Saying that the characters was the only problem is a massive understatement to how far down the toilet this shit sank. The plot is fucking horrendous. It tries to show progression with Junichi’s relationship, but only focuses on random events that happen as the couple gets closer with each other. This type of storytelling makes it difficult to structure plot elements unless there’s good writing behind it, but there is nothing that has been said in this review so far that in any way indicates good writing. Overall, the structure is a mess, riddled with contrivances that destroys most of any chance of development for Junichi and Yukana’s relationship. From the very beginning their chemistry is about as authentic as the lead duo from Fifty Shades of Grey and by the end you are either questioning what was the point of all this, or just gave up on the reasoning and continued watching for the ‘plot’. The dialogue is also dreadful if you ever take the show seriously. And even then, the script writers probably never gave a shit about trying to make anything quality when you hear lines like this come out of nowhere:

“All I want is a dope pussy to fuck.”

All I want is some god damn respect shown from staff to viewers that take time out of their day to watch this content. But it’s safe to say that this show has no respect for even telling a competent story, let alone its fanbase. The consensus around most harem anime is when you’ve seen one, you’ve seen most, but this is such a failure that it ends up as a shell of the common harem anime. There are a lot of problems with this show, and it does not help that there was only 5 episodes that actually had storyline progression. Yes, out of the 10 episodes the staff had to tell the entire story, only half of it has anything remotely meaningful. Producing Hajimete no Gal like this made everything feel incredibly rushed, to the point where there is no possible way that anyone watching this had time to get invested in these characters and care about what is happening on-screen. But wait, there’s more, because along with a rushed plot, viewers are subjected to watching full filler episodes dedicated to fan-service; the kind of content you would expect from a show like Fairy Tail. From the compulsory beach episode, to the entire harem getting a job at a cosplay café, they are a waste of animation resources. And after persevering to the end, I have concluded that there is nothing that this adaptation did that could be considered a positive – it is a terrible adaptation and a terrible anime in general!

Now while it is an awful show with nothing redeemable when it comes to story and characters, the animation and sound is what saves Hajimete no Gal from earning a 1/10. The animation style is usually very common with romance-comedy anime: standard designs with bright, dynamic colours. There were a few jarring points, like how pink lines used for characters blushing go off the side of their face, and the last episode looking more like it came from Chronexia and the Eight Seals. And while it is overall generic and looks very unremarkable compared to similar anime, technically I found it to be just ok. Maybe I have just become desensitised to anime breasts drawn the size of watermelons but it never bothered me anymore than how sloppy the writing was. However, there is something that I want to get off my chest and that is how there is an uncensored version of Hajimete no Gal that has no reason to exist. I watched the uncensored version, therefore I expected uncensored material, yet all I saw were a couple panty shots that got censored in the ‘safer’ version. How in the world are you going to censor panty shots in an ecchi show? Even worse, there’s still censorship in the NSFW version. What the fuck!? So even if you were only watching it for a weekly wank, you’d probably have better luck with a handful of other anime from this season. Kakegurui would be a better choice for that reason, even with the ‘look at me I’m so CRAZZY!!!1!’ expressions. Sound-wise, it’s fine: J-pop opening and ending with basic OST’s, nothing more. Voice-acting was good, with emotions coming through the characters well. Production-wise, it’s fairly competent, and I would be lying if I did not say that I thought some moments were absolutely hilarious. The best scene overall was definitely in episode 6 when one of Junichi’s friends dressed up as Kirito from SAO in an attempt to impress some ladies, comedy gold! Sadly that moment only lasts for 10 seconds, and those kind of moments cannot compensate for how terrible the show was overall and in no way saves this show from damnation.

And thus, these are my thoughts of Hajimete no Gal. There is more that I could have stated, but honestly this show is not worth any more time and effort that has already been given. The show is a throwaway anime that lives solely to sell blow-up sex dolls and lewd posters of the female characters to otaku fans that will buy into this garbage every season. It is a piece of trash that continues to wear down the ecchi genre and ultimately makes me ashamed to be a fan of anime in general. My advice: Don’t watch it, and if you do want to watch it, stop, and go back to my original advice. Unless you plan on watching the dub, and even then, only watch if you're in the mood for some trash.