This is going to contain spoilers for Planetes, but you know what? Who cares. It's bad. There's the review. Don't watch it. Not even for "haha wow this is so bad" laughs. It has a handful of moments at best. It's bad and gets worse as time goes on. And it's so, incredibly, unbelievably boring.

I'm a guy who likes things that are boring. One of my favorite games? Civilzation 3. I play on the map TETurkhan's Test of Time. It's a game that takes dozens of hours to complete. I adore it. It's slow and plodding. I liked Meek's Cutoff, a movie about being bored. I even like slice of life animes that are boring. There's something fascinating about trying to find beauty in the mundane parts of reality, it's often a failure but I can enjoy the attempt. Sometimes characters have cool moments, sometimes it can be very sad.

This is none of that. Planetes is nothing. It is an absence of everything. I sat down and watched 26 goddamn episodes of this thing and I can't name you a scene from it outside of the general "they're in space?" It's unbelievable. Literally beyond my comprehension. And it has a 97% like on Rotten Tomatoes. Average user rating 4.6. What the fuck is wrong with these people? where do I even start with how bad this is?

Most people probably missed what is the worst moment in the series so.. let's start there. So this sh*tpile has an episode where one of the characters goes to confront her ex-husband. Who may be a terrorist I guess? frick if I know. He's a terrorist who comes to a space station and takes a detour to meet with his ex-wife. You know what? Who cares. It makes no sense. This sucks. That's not the worst part. No, the worst part is her freakin' rant about how miserable he made her. There might be a video of it somewhere but frick me if I'm going to find it.

This poor voice actress. She wasn't that good, typical bad monotone early 2000s dub job, whatever. Not her fault, nobody could save this script. Whole point of her rant was that she was forced in to prostitution. You know how they convey how horrible it was? Not by the girl crying, not by her showing emotion in any way, not even by hinting as how horrible the life was.

She talks about how she was forced to get piercings all over. And if she didn't she was beat up.

I'm sayin' again If you told me this was a joke anime, I'd believe you. Do you get her rant? Piercings = whore. Get it? No? Of course you don't, it's garbage! Who sits down as a writer and goes "how am I going to convey sexual violence against a woman without outright saying it? Euphemisms? Imagery? Crying? Trauma? Nah. Piercings." No words. No freakin' words. This bullsh*t is all over the place. Later episode, guy is trapped in space alone. Mind you, we don't see him get trapped there except in a low-budget flashback. That might be exciting. No, we just see the aftermath. So what happens? Well, naturally he gets PTSD.

Except that they don't call it PTSD. They call it Space Loss Syndrome. I even checked to see if that was some obscure disease, but nope, found jack shit. They just made up a new word to describe PTSD. Why? Why not just say "dude was in a traumatic experience and has PTSD and now needs therapy." Oh, and he recovers from it. Not through therapy that we see, but by seeing a space engine. Anything can be fixed by remembering how awesome space is.

Well that’s annoying. But you know what? It's not even the little things. Oh no no no no. It's everything.

"It's a romance show more than anything else." The two characters are never shown kissing. It happens, but they literally put the camera right behind one character's head so that we don't see it. Why? Also that comes halfway through the series, with hardly any build-up. The kiss is supposed to be like a big scene. Yes it's not how romances work but it's when the guy gets the girl in a romcom. And it's a kiss. They aren't having anal or somethin', it's a small romantic gesture that helps us visually see characters emotions towards each other. Oh, and that starts up a love triangle that lasts a single episode. Why have it? Why not just not have the love triangle? Why put in story elements that don't get used, you freakin' people goddamn you all.

I can't even begin to convey how stupid this is. A character thwarts a terrorist plot because she wants to have a cigarette. Not comically, by ramming a spaceship in to a satellite. Unemployed people dressed as ninjas save a woman from a burning building. There's a whole episode revolving around a woman born on the moon who looks 18 but is actually 12, and the main male character is I think attracted to her, but it's HARD TO TELL BECAUSE THEY DON'T CONVEY EMOTIONS AT ALL. ohhhh good gracious almighty.

Planetes falls apart on a technical level too. Character's face change shape between scenes, and I suspect the reason it's set in space is so that they don't have to animate walking. Characters slide through frames, there's occasionally sound in space but not all the time. Music is almost non-existent and when it shows up is pretty freaking terrible. Character voices are the same 10 voice actors who voice act everyone, they do their best I'm sure but this was directed by someone who was unwilling to show two characters kissing so they aren't exactly dealing with a visionary. The art style is like a bad copy of Ghost in the Shell. Might even be the same company, and I'd certainly believe it if you told me. It's just terrible on so many levels.

I've just never seen anything so devoid of everything. There's literally nothing here. No joy, no passion for the series, nothing. Just some writer masturbating to their shitty space fantasies. Fantasies that freaking suck shit too. It's half an accurate representation of space and half a comedy, and as a result it accomplishes literally nothing. Of all of the anime that aren't failed comedies (a.k.a. the worst), this is it. This is the worst. Beyond this is only bugger-off trash. Do not watch Planetes. Ahh 97% like on Rotten Tomatoes. Shitt 8/10+ on other sites. What's that. Also, you know what? The plot goes no where important. The main characters get paralyzed and recovers in an episode. My brain melted.

I was more entertained by watching those goddamn 10 hour loops on youtube than this shit show.