Back to School

__-This review will contain spoilers. It is also about a manga in the Boy's love category but I'd highly encourage everyone to read it since it is very well written, and everyone in the story gets exactly what they deserve.
-I don't hate the art in this, but it still is not my favorite. Characters are too wide and have extremely thick necks so beware.
-This review will also end up being long as hell(seriously I mean it), so there will be a TLDR; at the end. I feel it is needed to really talk about the plot in detail.__
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Back to school is among the best stories I've read in a genre that usually is just full of porn or otherwise toxic relationships, boring characters, and/or stories that don't try to be something different or push themselves away from their comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with pornographic works, but I can't be the only one that wants to see a work that leaves one with a deeper message or that makes me care about the characters in the story. This webtoon made me truly sympathize and even cheer for the protagonist every time he took a step forward to improve his life. This is the type of work that leaves an impression and that probably will be remembered by the readers. It is a story about how a student heals from his past trauma, forges relationships with those around him, starts liking mundane things like going to school every day, learning to love someone, and finally putting a stop to the person that hurt him the most, which is what he needed in order to move on with his life.

The story begins with our protagonist, Chiwoo, and heavily implies that he has recently come back to school and that whatever mistakes he makes could result in his expulsion. His teacher has made assumptions about him being a delinquent, and the whole class seems to be uncomfortable with his presence. We get a clear view of who Chiwoo currently is since there are subtle hints in his mannerisms to show it. He is sleepy all the time, in a bad mood, looks like he doesn't care. He just looks like someone going thru life not enjoying one bit of it. To put it bluntly, he looks dead inside. These are all signs of a person possibly going through depression and/or someone who has been hurt by something or someone in the past, as we will see later on. After being talked to by his teacher, Chiwoo goes back to the classroom and we meet another student whose name is Kyujin. Despite what we know about Chiwoo (what his peers say about him anyway), Kyujin doesn't seem to think badly of him, since he tries to spark up a conversation with him, and even thinks about how Chiwoo is surprisingly diligent about going to class and being on time. This helps us establish that Kyujin is not one to judge others by what people say about them. After a soccer game goes badly, Chiwoo almost lashes out at one of the guys that intentionally hit him, but then stops when he remembers he could be expelled. He ponders why people are doing this when they know nothing about him, and then we see a bit of flashback of the third main character we will meet later on, Jihyun. This flashback is short but it is enough to give us insight into how Jihyun is. He says, "You gotta do somethin' 'bout that bad temper of yours. Who else is gonna put up with you apart from me?" this is enough to make us see that Jihyun is a manipulative man. As we go through the story, his behavior is going to get worse. He is not just manipulative but also violent and believes the world revolves around him.

Because of Chiwoo's past with Jihyun, he is very untrustworthy and always on edge when people touch him. He can't see why someone would help him and not want something in return. Even when Kyujin was helping him with the injuries he got at the soccer match, he was very wary of Kyujin being close to him, and even thought about why he was being nice to him anyway. All Kyujin wants, and he even says this to Chiwoo at that moment, is to be friends with him. He upfront says he has been wondering about him and that he wishes to become friends. Chiwoo becomes uncomfortable and begins thinking about Jihyun, before finally telling him that he has no interest in finding friends and asking him to please leave him alone. Chiwoo used to be friends with Jihyun, but the latter hurt him in one of the worst ways you can hurt someone(Jihyun raped him). This makes Chiwoo conflicted about Kyujin. He does think he is a good person, but he is still suffering from his past and is not sure if he wants to be friends with him or keep his distance. To the author's credit, they were able to write and illustrate very well what a victim of abuse is feeling and how they behave around others. Chiwoo is a wonderful example of this and his pain feels very real, which I can appreciate even if it made me cry plenty of times. He is trying very hard to not impose his beliefs and experiences on Kyujin. He knows Kyujin may not be like Jihyun, but even so, he still can't help feeling scared that he will get hurt again. Having had someone he believed to be his friend, hurt and humiliate him, and also mentally scarring him made him this way and the path to recovering his life to the way it was will not be easy nor short.

Kyujin really thought about Chiwoo's request of leaving him alone the next day, so he didn't speak to him. This time it was Chiwoo who had to take the first step since he wanted to ask Kyujin to help him study for a test. He fretted over it and thought about how maybe he would not help him, since Chiwoo himself asked him to leave him be. To his surprise, Kyujin happily obliges to help him. It is from this point onwards that Chiwoo starts to slowly let his guard down around him, even letting him put on a jacket on his shoulders, and accepting to walk back home together. Because of Kyujin's help, Chiwoo was also able to understand more in class, and even felt proud when the teacher praised his efforts. Kyujin brings positive changes to Chiwoo's life just by helping him and being a nice person and treating him with respect. Chiwoo's life however will also begin to suffer from Jihyun coming back into the picture, since one of his lackeys informed him of Chiwoo's whereabouts. Jihyun wastes no time and goes to Chiwoo's school. After Chiwoo gets out, he grabs him and doesn't even ask for his permission. This man that raped his best friend, is pretending nothing happened and trying to get him back. It gets worse, believe it or not. Chiwoo gets tense, and becomes angry, and pushes Jihyun away, only for him to play the victim and say how his rejection is "making him feel bad". This is an abuser's behavior in every way and again, the author portrays it incredibly. Kyujin tries to help Chiwoo, and Jihyun's jealousy kicks up. Because Chiwoo knows from experience how violent Jihyun is, he says he is his friend, to prevent them from fighting, as he doesn't want to involve Kyujin in this. The power dynamic between Jihyun and Chiwoo is beyond unbalanced and every time Jihyun tried to get his way with him just made me pissed off.

Once Chiwoo and Jihyun are alone, it is clear that Jihyun still can't grasp how his victim pushes him away, so he continuously tries to guilt-trip him by saying things like, "sorry for hurting you, but you keep pushing me away..." this is not an excuse to assault and abuse someone. Jihyun has many issues and he refuses to do anything to improve his character. He grew up in an abusive household and is even involved in bad business. This is, unfortunately, someone who will probably never be a decent person and will continue through life abusing others, and believing violence can solve everything. This is someone who believes they weren't wrong for raping their friend, who won't take no for an answer, who believes his victim owes him something. He is trash in every imaginable way and it is best to not have any expectations of him growing up or owning up to his mistakes. Chiwoo is clearly uncomfortable with Jihyun cornering him to the wall, yet Jihyun does nothing and continues pestering him. Chiwoo tries to tell him something but is interrupted by Jihyun forcing a kiss on him. He tries to push him, to no avail. He eventually succeeds and tells him firmly to stop. He is shaking and even thinks about how he feels like throwing up. Jihyun's response to Chiwoo pushing him away is asking "how can you treat me like this?", once again proving he believes he is in the right for treating Chiwoo like crap. He pushes his act even further by saying, "I said I was sorry back then. Besides, it was your fault. You're the one that was bad." If Jihyun wasn't a terrible guy already, his attempts to blame the victim of his abuse just make him worse. Despite Chiwoo having asked him to keep his hands off of him, he didn't listen and still touched his face. In contrast to this, Kyujin only touched Chiwoo in the infirmary and after school to help him out, and then the next day he followed up with his request to leave him alone. The only reason he talked to him again was that Chiwoo himself talked to him.

Kyujin, unlike Jihyun, easily picks up on Chiwoo's mannerisms to notice when he is not doing well. This is giving us a parallel between him and Jihyun(there will be plenty of parallels between them in the story). Kyujin thinks that Chiwoo looks down, and he is right. Chiwoo is now worried about Jihyun coming back into his life. Kyujin is curious if this change in mood is because of the issue with Jihyun in front of the school, but thinks it would be rude to ask, and decides not to bother Chiwoo with that. He thinks about how it can make him uncomfortable, and that it is best to not go for too much too fast. This is what Chiwoo needed. Someone who will take his feelings into account and that can understand what the word "no" means. Something which Jihyun is incapable of. Kyujin tries to go talk with Chiwoo, but since Chiwoo is still tense, his first response is to yell "Don't touch me!", only to then come back to reality and see that it was just Kyujin. His reaction made Kyujin get shocked, but he still respects what Chiwoo said, and makes sure to keep his distance from him throughout the day. Chiwoo is bothered by Kyujin's change of behavior, and even thinks about how it is best he apologizes for earlier. He is eventually able to apologize and Kyujin reassures him that it is ok and he was fine for a long time now. As Chiwoo and he are walking back home, Chiwoo thinks about how maybe Kyujin wasn't even mad and wonders if maybe he was just making it hard on him. It is not a surprise that he thinks this way, however, it is very clear that Kyujin was not angry at him or trying to bother him with his actions. Rather than that, he was simply respecting his request of not touching him, and giving him his space. Even later, when Kyujin gives Chiwoo a light hug, he immediately apologizes and says that next time he will ask first. Jihyun wouldn't care at all.

It is here that Chiwoo realizes that he was so worried over Kyujin ignoring him, that he forgot about Jihyun. Again, the author continues paralleling the relationship Jihyun and Chiwoo have, over the relationship that is forming between Chiwoo and Kyujin. One is a hurtful one, full of regret, and where the two parties will probably never be able to even stay acquaintances, whereas the other one is beginning as an awkward friendship between two people who are starting to know one another. For once we see Chiwoo smile. It is a gentle smile, and it is what he deserves after all the crap Jihyun put him through. Things seemed to be going really well for him, but everything crashed down the moment Jihyun joined the school and his class as a transfer student. This is where I noticed that Jihyun wasn't completely unaware of Chiwoo not liking him and refusing him. When he tried to speak to him, Chiwoo asked him to not talk to him. Later, he grabbed and held his hand, and when Chiwoo asked him what he was doing, Jihyun's response was, "I thought you told me not to talk to you?" meaning he does listen, but only when it is convenient of him to do so or when it benefits him and only him. Jihyun never came back to school to better his life(like Chiwoo did), he only came back because he knew Chiwoo was there and wanted to get him back. I don't think Jihyun never felt real love for Chiwoo, but even when they were younger, he still had no respect for his boundaries and didn't listen to his feelings. At some point whatever love he had became an obsession and a need to monopolize a person. This got so bad that he even ended up forcing himself on Chiwoo and hurting him. You don't hurt the ones you claim to love, much less in this dehumanizing way. There is no way you can say you love someone when all you do is make them uncomfortable and try to manipulate them. Jihyun always thinks about what he wants, never about what Chiwoo wants. He is always first and Chiwoo is always last. There is no way to go back to "the old times" with someone you raped, hit, and scared. Not in this lifetime, nor in any other one.

Jihyun takes away from Chiwoo any hope he has in his life and makes sure to alienate him from others so that he once again has nobody but him. His actions made Kyujin and Chiwoo start distancing themselves from one another. Because Chiwoo doesn't want Jihyun hurting Kyujin, he is willing to do this. As they say, misery loves company. Jihyun wants Chiwoo to be just as alone as he is, and believes that somehow they both will be able to lick each other's wounds. During all the run of the webtoon, he keeps doing stuff Chiwoo doesn't want. Showing up uninvited to his house, scaring potential friends away, saying him hurting others is Chiwoo's fault for ignoring him, making him so uncomfortable that at one point he doesn't even want to go to school, guilt-tripping him, yelling at him, invading his personal space, and insinuating he will rape him again and that it will be his fault. It is sad to see Chiwoo breaking down and crying because Jihyun just won't leave him alone. I cannot imagine how a victim would feel if their rapist kept trying to play the victim and harassing them this way. Even worse is the fact that Jihyun continues pretending like he is in the right, and trying to manipulate Chiwoo into feeling sorry for him. He is all words and no action since he continues saying he will do better but never does better. He is selfish and says Chiwoo rejecting him hurts his feelings, yet is completely numb to the pain he must have felt after he abused him. Many times Jihyun says he is sorry, and to this I say, just because you apologize does not mean the person you hurt has to forgive you. They don't owe you any forgiveness.

Jihyun many times asked Chiwoo if he knew he liked him, and Chiwoo was uncomfortable with the question and maybe even scared. Jihyun once was his most important person, but I don't think he ever saw him as a romantic love interest, which is what Jihyun wanted him to see him as. Chiwoo saying he knew each time was more about him being afraid they wouldn't go back to being friends. Which ended up happening for completely different reasons. You can even tell from his behavior towards Jihyun back then that he only saw him as a friend. Compare how he is around Kyujin, and you will see that whereas with Kyujin he feels bashful and notices stuff about him, like the length of his hair and looks, with Jihyun he just felt like they were just playing. Whether or not Chiwoo had rejected Jihyun, I don't think it would have mattered. Jihyun still would have hurt him. This is a guy who believes him abstaining from raping someone he was into is something to praise, and who then before raping his friend told him he was being an asshole for refusing his advances. In contrast, Kyujin brings out the best in Chiwoo and his support brought him many things he didn't have. Chiwoo became friends with Kyujin's friends, was relaxed when he was around, laughed, and his expressions also softened. Kyujin is curious but also knows when to pull back if he notices he is pushing his boundaries. Seriously, this is a guy who deadass apologized to his crush for having had a wet dream about him, and then because he felt bad about having done stuff to him in his dream, he tried to maintain his distance from him all day since he felt he had disrespected him. He even didn't want to talk about his feelings because he didn't want to make things awkward for Chiwoo. His presence made Chiwoo's world expand, and made him realize how amazing it is to enjoy small things like a school trip and making friends with your classmates. This is something he would have never achieved with Jihyun since all he did was restrain Chiwoo and try to isolate him from everyone but him. To further this thought, Jihyun always got angry at Chiwoo making other friends, meanwhile, Kyujin is happy to see Chiwoo getting along with everyone.

Nearing the final arc of the webtoon, Chiwoo is finally realizing he has to make a decision. It is clear it may be impossible for Jihyun, Kyujin, and he himself to not get hurt no matter how this ends. He has to think about what he wants to do and what will benefit him. All this time he has felt burdened by hurting Jihyun, even when he deserves not a fragment of his concern, and at the same time, he doesn't want to hurt Kyujin with his rejection. In chapter 31, Chiwoo tells Kyujin that him approaching him makes him uncomfortable. This is true, however, it is not the same uncomfortable as when he is near Jihyun. Chiwoo is afraid of Kyujin being targeted by Jihyun, and even if he wants to keep being friends with him or something more, he feels he has to put distance to prevent him from being hurt. He attempts to leave, possibly feeling worried over something happening, and then we finally get a confession. Kyujin asks Chiwoo not to leave, all while crying and saying he likes him. It is very important to clarify that Kyujin crying is not intentional to make Chiwoo feel sorry for him (this is a Jihyun tactic), it is his honest to god response because he is confused as to how to approach Chiwoo, and he himself tells him that he didn't know how to confess and that by being a coward and not making a choice, he just kept making him uncomfortable. This confession is once again a parallel to how things went down with Jihyun. Jihyun never outright told Chiwoo that he liked him romantically. He just kept saying he liked him, and hoping Chiwoo would get the clue and answer in return. The point being, he too was and is still a coward. Maybe because he knew deep down he would be rejected, it is hard to say. Unlike Jihyun, Kyujin is telling Chiwoo to his face, that in the beginning, all he wanted was to be friends, but he ended up wanting more than that. He grabs his hand gently and says he will not lie anymore, and that he likes him, and is sorry for expecting him to realize how he felt about him. He also asks him to please let him stay by his side until he feels safe to open up to him, or if he really doesn't like him back, to just reject him and he will be sure to stop. He is being vulnerable and showing Chiwoo that in the event that his advances aren't welcome, he will make sure to keep his distance. Chiwoo lets him know that he does feel something for him but he is scared about their current situation. All his fear is because of Jihyun. He worries about how he will react if he and Kyujin pursue a relationship. Kyujin asks him if he can hug him once, as friends, and he lets him. When Kyujin hugs him, Chiwoo's reaction is to just blush. Whereas with Jihyun he starts shaking and feels like throwing up, with Kyujin his heart just beats the way it would when one gets a hug from their special someone. Their moment doesn't last, because soon enough Jihyun arrives and begins punching and kicking Kyujin. Hell, he even shoves Chiwoo out of the way when he tries to stop him, causing him to land terribly on the floor. Kyujin did manage to land a hit on Jihyun, and I was glad since he needed to be punched by someone at least once. Jihyun got suspended, and once again he learned nothing since he then arranged for some guys to hit Kyujin in his place.

The confrontation goes terribly, and just when it seemed like Jihyun was going to do something, Chiwoo appears and yells at him. Amidst their arguing, the other guys begin pummeling Kyujin and hitting him. Chiwoo tries to go to him but Jihyun prevents him from doing so, all while telling him how he just wants to scare him in order for him to get away from Chiwoo. Things escalate from bad to worse, and when Chiwoo finally frees himself from Jihyun's grasp and almost reaches Kyujin, Jihyun grabs him and shoves him out of the way, unaware that he threw him down the stairs. The injuries Chiwoo suffered were so bad, that he had to stay in bed and probably wouldn't be able to walk for a while. Knowing this, Jihyun still had no shame and kept waiting outside of Chiwoo's hospital room. Chiwoo asked his mom to let him in, and then had a talk with him. Things have gone bad yet again, and it is no longer possible to keep ignoring Jihyun's violence. As soon as he gets in the room, he plops on his knees next to Chiwoo's bed and asks for forgiveness, saying he will never do it again. This apology has been given plenty of times in the webtoon and it is always empty. Chiwoo realizes this, tells him that he can't forgive him anymore. He heartbreakingly says how after he raped him he wasn't okay. How he was scared of meeting people, how it hurt to have a friend do that to him, and how he had to even avoid going to school. Instead of listening to him, Jihyun interrupts him and says he regrets what he did to him, and that he was drunk, but Chiwoo stops him and says that even though he wanted to believe him, he knows he remembers. That he must remember how Chiwoo kept asking him to stop. He tells him how he is afraid every time he sees him, and how it is painful to even look at him. He expresses how after
coming back to school, he was able to socialize with his classmates, get a part-time job, and heal little by little, that he finally felt like he could breathe, and then he says that looking at him makes him remember what happened, and that thought makes him want to die. It is at this time too that Chiwoo no longer lets Jihyun guilt-trip him into feeling like he was at fault, and flat out tells him all of this is because of him. By finally letting out all his thoughts, and choosing to stand his ground against Jihyun, he is going to be able to heal and enjoy his life.

There was no way Jihyun and Chiwoo would have ended up as anything, not even friends, after everything that happened. Even when Chiwoo finally gave him his honest thoughts, Jihyun still said he would wait until he was ready to forgive him. This man still believes he will eventually be forgiven and while his background lets us see why he is the way he is, it is not an excuse for this behavior. He proclaims he did all this cuz he loved Chiwoo too much, but he didn't. When you love someone, you want them to be free, and well. You don't suffocate them and try to chain them down. Chiwoo asks Jihyun for both of them to go their separate ways. This was the only outcome this story could ever have, that would have made sense. Nowhere was there ever any indication that Chiwoo would forgive Jihyun at all, and I am glad he didn't because he would have been incredibly unhappy. Jihyun sends a final message to Chiwoo, saying he will be waiting for him to forgive him, and Chiwoo just replies with "bye", bringing his contact with Jihyun to an end. Kyujin and Chiwoo are still not going out, but Chiwoo lets Kyujin visit him at home to keep him company while his injuries heal, while also telling him to be patient with him. By making their relationship go this route, it feels more believable since Chiwoo is someone who is healing from trauma and getting into a relationship too fast wouldn't be too realistic. Even though Chiwoo and Kyujin have been spending a lot of time together, Chiwoo still feels like he needs more time before accepting to go out with him. This was also because, as Chiwoo says, he was stuck with the old memories he had with Jihyun, before finally deciding to put all of the pictures he has with him, and getting rid of them. This is the final push for him to get some closure and continue healing. The lines he says after this summarize his whole relationship with Jihyun, "Whether good memories or bad ones. I don't wish you happiness, but at the same time, I do. I hope you won't ruin someone else's life like you did mine, yet I also hope you'll find someone who'll love you." and then he finally says that all of his feelings for him, whether hatred or affection, he will be throwing them away. At the end of the webtoon, Kyujin confesses again to Chiwoo, while telling him that he knows he likes him back, "so please just say yes, would you?" this is followed by Chiwoo's monologue, where he says how Kyujin is honest, unwavering, and even stubborn, before ending it saying he is the reason he started to enjoy going to school. Chiwoo laughs, and then kisses Kyujin, implying he has accepted his feelings and lastly asks him to go to school together.

The webtoon does a fantastic job of telling Chiwoo's story and it is extremely satisfying to see him get better and heal. He deserves to be happy, to be free, and to be cherished by someone who won't harm him and who will care about his feelings. Everyone does.

TLDR; Back to School is an incredibly well-written webtoon about a man and his journey to recover from past trauma, about learning to let go of people who hurt you, and throughout its 45 chapters it is able to tell a story about trauma that feels realistic, and also has 3 main characters that are well-grounded. Yes, you may hate Jihyun, but he is a good antagonist and his motives are complex enough to make him memorable. This webtoon reaches what I would call a good ending, and the author made sure each of the main leads got what they deserved. It is also among the best in the Boy's love category.