Neon Genesis Evangelion saved my life. While that doesn’t quite mean what you think it does, I couldn't possibly overstate it’s impact on me.

Eva is a quarter decade old, so I won't waste your time with a typical review, but rather share what I've found in the mirror Anno has held to me.

The most valuable thing about an individual is their perspective, so let's lean into that angle. Do something only I can do.

Through all the suffering I see a cast of people suffering from delusions. Delusions about where value in life comes from, and who can provide it.

It was inevitable that they would develop toxic coping mechanisms when their worldview is at odds with reality (and in some cases is derived from a hatred of reality itself) It's the very basis of a tragedy.

To understand the limitations of things all it takes is desiring them. This comes to a head in episode 25 when escapism and external validation collapse in on themselves.

A thread of my impressions and takeaways from watching the series. It all starts after the break, with a healthy dose of [visual] fanservice!

Ep 2

Shinji is isolated by triangle shaped frames in the hospital. Even though Misato enters the scene and joins him, she never ‘’crosses the line’’. The staging of an understated scene turns a small detail like this into characterization on both sides.

It's the kind of show you could watch muted, though few would ever dare.

Ep 5

The episode in which the iconic sequence of Shinji groping Rei occurs (though I'm far from the first to point out it's subversive nature)

This scene works because it's the logical result of Rei's character first and foremost, as opposed to an attempt at being clever.

A lesser show would’ve played it straight [breaking character] or subverted the joke for the sake of itself. Rei doesn't care if she's in a compromising situation because her self worth is fractured. Her priorities lie elsewhere.

Ep 8

Asuka realizes Shinji is worthy of bragging to and so drags him off to show off her Unit 002. In the first half of Eva Asuka takes every chance she gets to court the third child's attention. Naturally, this enthusiasm won't last for long.

Ep 11

Amazing direction and storyboarding allow different shots to seamlessly blend together by using Hideakian techniques like having characters finish each other's sentences.

Playful transitions such as having Asuka wipe the screen. It’s a blast to watch on a moment to moment basis, and perhaps the funniest episode of Eva, bringing a dose of much needed levity.

[Mankind’s greatest enemy is man himself] - Gendo

[Yeah, but without the lights it seems like there are no humans here] - Asuka

[Lights turn on]

[There, I feel much more comfortable this way] - Asuka

This quote reveals a lot about Asuka in a subtle way. There's a pervasive desire lurking under the surface, between the lines.

Ep 15

There's an implication that living with unresolved feelings towards your parents inevitably seeps into all of your other relationships in some fashion. An attempt to chase a foundation of love that was missing.

Parental complexes lie at the bedrock of most of the cast's issues.

Ep 16

When I was a teenager I thought I needed a girlfriend. Someone, anyone to love me. Being too scared to even approach my crush I fell deeper into depression. But even if I found someone they wouldn't make me happy.

Years later when I found someone I used them for validation of my existence. I was incapable of truly empathizing with them. But how could I?

The relationship was about me. In retrospect it seems anyone that accepted me would've done. This led to me questioning my sexuality which I'll go into more at ep 24.

[You are blind and deaf to what you wish to avoid. No one can justify their existence by linking their happiest moments into a rosary] - Shinji

Shinji hates loneliness and the world, and so his coping mechanisms become more desperate. Being worthless isn't a fact, it's a matter of opinion. The one thing he believes in wholeheartedly.

Ep 20

[Shinji has an ego death]

Drifting in the LCL, Shinji realizes he has to find a reason to want to fight the angels besides them being his enemy. He is given validation for piloting the Eva, yet he feels like a worthless human being.

Ep 23

Asuka’s life is shown time and time again to be expendable, and her pain is palpable. A feeling Rei is familiar with.

Eva is underpinned with a cast of characters using others as a replacement for someone. Or rather something they crave more than anything else.

Ep 24

Possible hot take but, I've never perceived Shinji actually being bi. The biggest reason being as a ‘Shinji’ myself, I've had a Kaoru in my life.

Experiencing unconditional love for the first time was intoxicating. I was desperate so it blinded my judgement. I wanted them because they wanted and took an interest in me.

The moment they stopped showering me in attention the attraction faded.

Ep 25

Misato berates Ritsuko for the shallow nature of their relationship, something she also holds responsibility for.

In high school I felt alone. I hated that I didn't have people I actually knew that would reach out to me, but I didn't do the same for them either. I am equally to blame. In the midst of despair, I gave in to to self loathing and helplessness created my own hell.

[Despair is inevitable, but giving into it is a betrayal] - BREADSWORD

Ep 26

If what I think of myself becomes me, and living for something outside myself means I will never be happy, the only way to change reality is to accept myself.

In the end you will either find something to connect with, or something will bond itself to you. Like a symbiote it'll amplify your worst characteristics.

I hated being alive and as a matter of course, my life imploded. For as long as I felt that way, it was inevitable.

It's my obligation to smash this ceiling above my head. The one I created. I've always known how.

God's in his heaven. The gospel of the new century is finding salvation in yourself.