A Condition Called Love

People love obsession. It just seems so romantic, so exhilarating to have someone be infatuated with you, to think of you and only you, to put your happiness and needs before anything and anyone else. It explains the popularity of yandere love interests in manga and otome games, and western romances, too, feature quite a bit of posessive-obsessive alpha-shmalpha tortured-past male love interests *who seem dangerous but just need someone (a true soulmate, apparently) to understand them*. Being loved for no reason, unconditionally and with fiery passion is the ultimate romantic fantasy. I can totally see the appeal — if someone is crazy about you like that, then you must be a worthy person somehow, right? A Condition Called Love, however, carefully dissects the appeal of romantic obsession and softly calls it out, reflecting on why you shouldn't want to love or be loved obsessively.

This manga clashes two characters — Hananoi, a guy who is desperately searching for love because he is convinced that only a soulmate can make his loneliness go away, and Hotaru, a girl who is wary of love because she has seen people go crazy and very cruel over it. She is convinced that something is fundamentally wrong with her, since she can't imagine herself ever feeling anything that intense. Which is why when Hananoi, a guy she barely knows, confesses his feelings for her and asks her to try to be his girlfriend for a month to see if she likes it, she feels like she needs to at least try to experience what it's like to fall in love with someone.

It becomes clear from the beginning that Hananoi is, well, a little intense, and the strength of his feelings is a little puzzling for both Hotaru and the reader. He does none of the creepy stuff obsessive love interests in media usually do, though, he respects boundaries and knows that no means no. But...Hotaru really means the world to him. He says he doesn't need friends and doesn't need any interests or goals other than being with her and making her happy. And that's...concerning, not romantic. And as she continues to develop feelings for Hananoi, Hotaru becomes more and more concerned for him.

What's interesting about Hotaru is that because she thinks there's something wrong with her and because she is a very good girl, she goes the extra mile to try to understand other people, to ask questions and to convey her own feelings. I don't think I've ever met another character that has that level of healthy self-reflection. One of the reasons why their relationship works so well is because of her ability to set clear boundaries. She doesn't sulk, doesn't hide or brush off her feelings and she always tells others what's on her mind. Like...how is that even possible, haha? What kind of goddess is she?? On top of all that she's absolutely adorable and kind in a way that makes me feel ashamed of my own pettiness.

Hananoi, on the other hand, is painted to have the yanderish "appeal" in the first tomes but eventually has one of the most impressive character arcs. But unlike most yandere love stories where that kind of character arc is triggered by the heroine who manages to "understand" or "fix" her lover and partly correct his behaviour, here the change is triggered by Hananoi himself, because he realises how selfish he is in his obsession. A lot of the things we think we do for our loved ones are in reality very selfish. And Hananoi slowly learns how to love someone without pressuring them, how to really love someone unconditionally and not as an investment to be loved in return. People are not love vending machines, you can't just insert love in them in the hope that love will fall out back. But he is able to change because his feelings for Hotaru are genuine. And I actually think that he, not Hotaru, is the character who is supposed to resonate the most with the readers, to make us question how selfish we are in our own love.

And while Hananoi learns how to manage his overwhelming feelings, funnily enough, Hotaru learns what it's like to experience feelings so intense they are close to obsession. While the manga itself and the relationship between the characters are very innocent, there are more than a few moments where you can literally feel the heat, because their feelings for each other are absolutely contagious. But the characters find a way to manage that smouldering heat of first love in a healthy way that won't hurt them or the people around them. This is literally THE story about healthy relationships.

What I also love is that this manga both proves and disproves the romantic star-crossed-lovers/connected-by-a-red-string-of-fate hypothesis. Are the characters able to build a healthy relationship with each other because they are soulmates? (like Hananoi hoped) Or is it because they are able to set healthy boundaries and listen to each other? Did Hananoi's past relationships fail because those girls "weren't the one for him"? Or was it because of his behaviour? Sure, because of Hotaru's ability to give clear feedback and say what's okay and what's not and Hananoi's ability to reflect on his own behaviour, the two are very well matched, but is it really fate? Or is it the way they choose to act towards each other?

The manga also gently reminds us that falling in love won't always save you from loneliness or make your past traumas go away. Sure, Hananoi and Hotaru are saved by each other in a way, but I think it's because the feelings they have for each other push them to become better people and become whole, rather than them literally "completing" each other in the soulmates-are-two-parts-of-one-soul fashion. Hananoi eventually comes to understand that his romantic partner can't be his only support system, that he can't have Hotaru deal with all of his loneliness, trauma and insecurities alone. A Condition Called Love is a story about first love, but over and over it stresses the importance of having friends, not only lovers. I wrote several paragraphs on why I love the main characters so much, but really, every single side character deserves their own paragraph! ~~but this review is too long already~~ I love the way side characters are written and how authentic they are in their struggles.

And finally, the way the manga it touches trauma is kind, realistic and soul-crushing. The characters' traumatic experiences are almost mundane — nothing that could warrant a trigger warning for the audience. But those mundane easily overlooked experiences leave gaping festering wounds if not given enough attention. It's the kind of personal trauma that we are usually told to not worry about. People are thoughtless and constantly immersed in their own troubles so they don't always realise how their actions affect others. The fact that the most hurtful and yet ordinary things are done carelessly and sometimes with no ill intent at all but still wreck lives and relationships is really tragic.

Well, I have to pat myself on the back for managing to write so much about this manga without gushing or over-complimenting it. I love it. Love it love it love it. It's wholesome and poignant, heart-wrenching and absolutely adorable. And I wholeheartedly believe that if everyone read it we'd all become a little better at relationships in general, we'd learn how to convey our feelings and listen to each other and stop hurting our loved ones so much.